#michelle watches one piece
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nerdgirlriot · 1 year ago
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just thinking about Netflix One Piece vs. Netflix Cowboy Bebop and how one has been basically universally lauded vs. the other being universally reviled and maybe one of the reasons is a matter of tone of the source material
because Bebop is a pastiche of genres, much like jazz. The anime has its riffs and it plays around with them but for the most part stays grounded in its portrayal of realistic sci-fi
One Piece is set in a bigger than life world where everything is pushed up to 11. It mashes up pirates and superheroes. It can't be grounded in a serious reality. It is cartoony and big and bright and crazy and there's people who have animal characteristics and its absolutely accepted and fine. Funnily enough it's the cartoonish ridiculousness that the live-action series captured right.
Live action Bebop, and I say this as a person who ENJOYED live-action Bebop, leaned in too much on this cartoonishness too, for example the portrayal of Edward. What didn't work in Bebop absolutely works for OPLA.
Dutch angle shots were used in both series but they felt out of place in Bebop because the original anime didn't really have them, while One Piece, based on a manga, would have those reaction panels of characters, those deep close ups of faces.
idk where I'm going with this. I just think it's interesting.
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yamumsyadadd · 18 days ago
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the forgotten girl (5)
posted this originally on my old account. will be posting twice weekly :)
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Alexia Putellas Segura. The one that got away? She was my first. First kiss, first person I had sex with, first person I was in love with. Maybe in a different universe things could work out. What’s the saying, right person wrong time? That seemed to be the case with us Every time. I loved her, she wasn’t ready for that. She loved me, I had just gotten together with Emily. 
There was a moment when things would’ve happened, after Emily died and before I went MIA. But after that first night I couldn’t. I didn’t want to hurt her, to break her heart. So I left, breaking her heart anyway. Now she is with Olga and things are going great with them, right? The what ifs always playing on my mind. 
•————————————————————-----------------------———•
I was glad to have Ariel, my social media manager. I didn’t have to deal with the comments or the tweets, I could live in my peaceful bubble and not have to worry about anything. The news of Sam Kerr tearing her ACL ripped through the football community, the Matilda’s were out a striker. There were two possibilities, Michelle Heyman who is retired or me. The girl who hasn’t played an international game since the 2019 World Cup, the same person who left the team high and dry for the 2020 Olympics. 
The tillies were coming off a successful World Cup, secretly I’d watched every game, cheering them on from the safety of my own living room. When Jona had informed me that Tony had rang and asked for my number I was shocked, surely he’d call up Michelle before he rang me. She deserved it, I’m sure there were lots of younger players that deserved it too. But alas, it was me he rang. Just as training ended and we’d made our way back to the locker rooms. 
“Hello?” Confused by the unknown caller, forgetting the conversation with Jona. 
“Amelia? It’s Tony Gustavsson.” 
“Oh shit. Yeah hi Tony. How are you?” 
“I’m good Amelia, listen, I know you’ve heard the news about Sam, we are in an Olympic year and now without a striker. I know you’re just coming back and you haven’t played an international game in a few years, but if you’re willing I would love for you to join us this international break.” 
“What? What about Michelle or one of the younger girls? I’m sure there’s someone more suited to this.” 
“There is no one else I would rather. You’re the person we need. The missing piece to this team. The girls look up to you, they listen to you. We need you, I need you. Take some time and think about it, we have a few days before the foster needs to be released. Call me in two days ok?” 
“Yeah yeah okay. I can do that. Thanks Tony.” 
Disbelief. Was I excited for this opportunity? Sure. Did i deserve it? Probably not. 
“Who was that?” Keira’s voice broke me from my thoughts. 
“Uh it was tony. The Matilda’s head coach. He wants me?” 
“Holy shit that’s amazing! Milly that’s so good! Congratulations!” The high fives poured in from everyone, expect one person, Alexia. 
If it was so good, why didn’t it feel it? The first thing I did when I got back to the apartment was make a pros and cons list. 
Pros:
It’s the olympics 
Cons:
It’s the Olympics 
Media
The team? 
Football 
I was stuck in my own head until a knock rippled through the apartment. Apprehensively I opened the door to Alexia standing there. She walked straight on through as if she’d been here before.  
“What are you doing here? How’d you get my address?” 
“Hi to you too. I’m good thanks how are you? 
“Yeah yeah answer my questions?”
“I heard the phone call in the locker room and how you looked stressed. So I thought I’d come and be a good friend.” 
“And you got my address from?” 
“Jona. You should add that you can see me and Jenni.”
“Huh?”
“Your list” she points. “We will probably be there.” 
Silence. Unsure what to even say in this situation. Alexia was still standing, looking around. There wasn’t much to look at. I had bought a couple of plants but other than that, it was just furniture. 
“Have you lived here long?” 
“3 and a half years. Why?”
“Oh. It’s… empty?” 
“It’s easier this way.” 
“So when you want to run away again, there’s nothing you need to take? Clothes and furniture can be replaced right.” 
“That’s not fair Alexia.” 
“No what’s not fair is you leaving in the middle of the night! You disappeared Amelia!“
“Seriously? We are doing this now? Fine. Yes I did leave, yes I disappeared, yes I fucked you and told you everything you wanted to hear. But I couldn’t stay. Not after everything. You deserved better Alexia.” 
“I didn’t want anyone else but you! I loved you and you just left.” 
“You should go.”
“Mil”
“No. Go home to your girlfriend Alexia.” 
After she left I got up to write another con on this list:
Potentially seeing Alexia 
Maybe in another life time things would be different. 
The next week is rough. The tension between Alexia and I is very clear to the team, not to Olga though. She reached out inviting me to dinner with her and some girls from Manuelas. It was a nice night overall, it definitely felt weird being friendly with Olga. It was hard to separate the Olga from Manuelas and Alexia’s girlfriend Olga. 
the morning of my first game arrived, I had barely slept because of the nerves. I wasn’t starting, however Jona said he’d bring me on in the second half. The thought of playing again was extremely overwhelming. My body went into autopilot, doing my old day time routine: making breakfast and coffee, brushing my teeth, changing my sheets, laying out my clothes and then going for a swim. 
The ocean was calming and refreshing. It reminded me of home. The one place I could go and enjoy myself when I was living in foster homes. I taught myself to surf after watching some people do it, it took a lot of trial and error but in the end I was successful. As I came out of the water, I noticed a familiar pale, ginger sitting on my towel. 
“It’s nice. You should go in.”
“Don’t be stupid Milly. I would never get in there in the winter.”
Keira was a constant. No matter what happened or what teams we played for, she was always there. She’d drop everything to come help and wasn’t afraid to tell me I was being a dickhead. I wasn’t expecting what she was going to say. 
“You being here is hard for her. Being so close and her not being able to be with you. It’s a lot, I know you did what you thought was best but you broke her heart and she’s been different since.” 
Alexia. It always comes back to her. 
“I couldn’t let her love me Kei. It was too much.” 
“But she loved you anyway. Pretty sure she always has and always will. She was mad for the first few weeks, then really worried, then sad. Every Sunday she would message Leah and ask if she’s heard from you, and every Sunday it was the same answer.” 
“We should go. Got a game and all.” 
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arminsumi · 1 year ago
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HELLOOO THERE!! Can I request gojo dating reader because of a bet with suguru and falling for reader, reader doesn’t know and was hurt when they overheard they’re just a bet, angst to fluff pls 🫶🫶🫶
thank youuuu, hope your having a good day!!
˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱
𝐈𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠
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A/N: u have no idea how much i LOVE this idea anon!!! 💗💗💗 i really hope i did it justice 😩
Wc ≈ 1.4k
Pairing: GOJO Satoru x f.reader
Summary: Suguru betted that Gojo could make anyone fall in love with him, even someone who was his complete opposite — like you.
Warnings; angst-to-fluff, angst contents — {self-loathing (Gojo), crying, heartbreak}, a little bit suggestive at the end, kissing/making out
♪ michelle
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It was nice while it lasted.
The handholding in public, the stolen cheek kisses, the pampering and spoiling, relishing in the jealous looks thrown your way when he fed you bites of his food in the cafeteria, bathing in Gojo Satoru's affection. A lot of people would have killed for your position, or even a glimpse into what it's like to date your college's biggest heart throb.
You two seemed to really like each other. It was like two mismatched puzzle pieces somehow fitting together — a fascinating connection was shared. No one would have put you and him together, not even Gojo.
The only reason he asked you out in the first place was...
"Suguru, that's such a nasty idea... I love your mind."
"Just don't actually fall in love with her. The whole idea of this bet is that you can prove any girl can fall in love with you, don't forget that."
Gojo had chuckled at this, it seemed so ridiculous.
Why would he actually fall in love with you? You weren't even his type. He never paid you a sparing glance, not at school, not at parties, not around town.
You weren't his type...
So why did his heart start panging excitedly a few months into your 'fake' relationship? Why did he swoon when you fell asleep laid on his chest in his dorm room? Why did he want to kiss you so badly every time he saw your face? Why did he jump like a cat whenever he got a text from you? Why did he kiss you like the world was ending?
And why did he cry when you found out the truth? He looked distraught when Suguru let the secret slip.
Why did Gojo Satoru, the strongest, beg on his knees for you to stay when you were about to walk away?
"Please! I'm so sorry! I know it was so wrong and fucked up — shit I regret it so much — I really like you! I swear to god, I swear on my life!"
You choked on your tears so badly that you could barely talk. "I can't believe you. This is such a fucking horrible th - thing to do to s - someone, Gojo."
He felt so hurt that you went back to calling him Gojo and not Satoru, like you used to when the two of you were just mild acquaintances.
"Don't go!" He almost yelled.
His arms wrapped around your midriff, he slid down like he was too weak to support himself — like his legs went limp. He slid down until he was clinging to your legs. He sobbed with such a genuine-looking crying face that you almost believed it. He wasn't play-crying like he does to get attention or persuade people, he was ugly-crying.
Gojo Satoru, the prettiest boy you ever knew, was an ugly-crier. A string of saliva glistened between his canines, his mouth hung open like a dramatic renaissance portrait of a distraught man. His eyes were pinched so tight that fat tears cascaded out the corners.
"Please don't go!"
⁕⁕⁕
Suguru found his best friend sat in the middle of the campus' main stairs. Desolate. One hand holding up his heavy head. Regretful. eyes closed.
"So it didn't go well?"
Satoru didn't raise his head, but he slowly opened his eyes and looked miserably at the floor. He watched a line of ants.
"It went as horribly wrong as you could imagine." he responded eventually.
Suguru came to sit next to him. "Are you really in love?" he asked him seriously.
"Of course I fucking am! — sorry..." Satoru snapped, then immediately mumbled an apology.
A long summer breeze went by.
"Try again." he suggested, "I'm sure she'll - "
"She fucking hates me."
There was a heavy silence after Satoru said that.
"If I were her, I'd hate me too." Satoru muttered.
Suguru went silent. He felt guilty, after all, he was the one that dared his best friend to do something as stupid as play with your heart.
Satoru watched the ants scurrying along. He felt as puny and weak as one right then. The realization of these feelings themselves are what urged him to abruptly stand up.
"I'm not giving up. I'm gonna explain to her that I really did fall in love — that I really do fucking like her so god damn much it's insane and stupid."
"That's the spirit — where are you going?" Suguru asked curiously as Satoru began heading over to the parking lot.
"I'm gonna go bring her flowers and... stuff..." he replied unsurely.
Will that really work? He wondered to himself.
"But it's gonna rain." Suguru said, "Heyyy, Satoru, listen don't just — ah, there he goes... idiot really fell in love when I warned him not to..." he muttered pitifully.
⁕⁕⁕
There was a knock at your apartment door.
You wrung it open to reveal a heartbroken Gojo Satoru, soaked-through with rain, standing in the downpour, panting while holding onto a bouquet of vividly red roses. You couldn't have witnessed a more dramatic scene in a movie.
His hair was completely flat with wetness. There were raindrops running down his cheeks and dripping off his chin.
On the walk to your apartment, Satoru had mentally written a speech for you.
It was definitely a well-rehearsed heartbroken boy's 'take me back' speech. Flawless and direct. Surely it would have sufficed.
But he didn't say even the first few words of his practiced speech when your door flew open.
All he did was break down crying and fall to his knees right in front of you, like some dramatic actor — except he wasn't acting, you could feel the realness of his regrets and miseries through each sob.
"Satoru..." you looked down at him pitifully. "Come inside, you're gonna get sick." you said tenderly.
For some reason, those very small words communicated more emotions than any form of 'I love you' ever could.
⁕⁕⁕
His pretty nose was slightly upturned. You noticed that when he first kissed you after your third date.
You noticed it again when you observed how red it had become from crying and sneezing.
Wrapping a blanket around him. Drying his hair. Fluffing it with your fingers. Making him some tea. Sitting him down on your bed. Putting on a movie. Letting him curl up into your arms — something he never did when you two were 'dating' because he was convinced he had to show off his dominance to win you over.
All of this together settled the air between you two. But it still didn't explain everything.
"Why'd you do something so dumb?" you asked him half-humorously.
He nibbled and chewed on his lip, eyes on the TV — not really, actually they were looking at your subtle reflection within it.
"I'm an asshole." he admitted.
"You don't say." you chuckled.
He felt bad, and uncurled his body and raised his face to look at you. Satoru never wore a serious expression in all the time you've known him, both as acquaintances and 'lovers' — except for now, which is how you know it's true.
"I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. Suguru dared me because... well, because it seemed comical. We're opposites, no one would ever put us together right? But he and I thought that was a hilarious challenge. We wanted to see if I could catch you and make you fall in love with me, or something like that..."
He started mumbling his words and refused to look at you.
"Satoru."
"Yeah?"
He reared his head up at you.
"Did it mean something to you, the time we spent this summer?"
He didn't hesitate to respond, "It meant everything." he said.
"Well, then there we go." you said with a little smile.
"Am I being forgiven...?"
"Mhm."
He seemed taken aback and unsure. Was he really being forgiven? Were you reversing the script on him and pulling a trick on him now?
"Does this mean..." he mumbled quietly, "... that I'm allowed to kiss you right now?" he asked nervously, heart panging, eyes giving your lips a longing glance.
"You're such an idiot." you sighed, "Yeah of course it means you can kiss m — mmmf!"
You never managed the rest of your words out, they all got muffled on Satoru's lips. His hand came to cup your right cheek, fingers caressing your skin like you meant everything to him. He tilted his head into the kiss, broke apart for air, dove back in, kissed you feverishly fervently violently eagerly — with so much affection and thankfulness that you almost couldn't breathe due to being smothered.
"Sorry..." he panted after breaking the kiss, bottom lip glistening with saliva. "I'm sorry for breaking a heart as good as yours."
"Just don't do it again." you told him in a whisper.
The poor boy, two days without kissing was really too much for him. He went right back in and kissed you blue, until you gasped and subconsciously wrapped your legs around his slim waist and pulled him closer. His whole body felt hot and eager. You tasted so good, you looked so good, you loved him so good — he decided right there in the back of his mind that he'd marry you after graduation.
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ace-race-ace · 2 months ago
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Follow up to my original post about this ~~
Alain Prost became an F1 driver because of RPF ✨
Out of context this may seem far fetched but I have proof to bestow upon you all!
As I explained in my last post, Michel Vaillant is a French comic series written/drawn by Jean Garton (originally - now passed) which started back in 1957.
The series follows a fictional driver named Michel Vaillant and his various adventures in Motorsport. Michel’s dad has a car company (Vaillant) thus it’s his job the race in his cars. He does F1, Le Mans, Indycar…literally everything!
Initially, the races were vague, not outwardly mentioning specific drivers/races. But as popularity grew, the author started getting go-aheads and even requests to include real drivers and teams.
I would go as far as calling it a self-insert fic as Michel is extremely stereotypically perfect, great driver, a womanizer, successful, friends with motorsport champions - AKA completely typical to a Y/N character.
The author would go to multiple races every year to meet and talk with people in the paddock to get ideas/stories for his comics. Most notably, he was a great friend of Jacky Ickx and included him often in his work. This guy was literally writing RPF of his close friends!
Some quick examples as I don’t have the entire series on hand ⬇️ (he also drew them out of the car just couldn’t find any online)
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Now how is this relevant to Alain Prost?
WELL - I picked up the first ‘integral’ of the og series (the first 3 comics in one album) and imagine my surprise when I find this:
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Here’s my translation for you:
PREFACE BY ALAIN PROST - 4 time F1 world champion
Michel Vaillant has offered me a priceless gift: He opened the doors of motorsport for me. For this gift, I will remain eternally grateful to him.
I don’t know if a teen nowadays can understand what Michel Vaillant represented for the people of my generation. The TV rarely retransmitted the Grand Prixs, motorsport was a distant universe. I was twelve when Daniel, my older brother, brought home a Michel Vaillant album. I remember it like it was yesterday. Through reading, I could pierce into the mysterious world of motorsport, discovering all the ingredients: the cars, the men, the circuits, the way a team functions, the challenges, the intrigues.
Later, once I became an F1 driver, I re-opened my old Michel Vaillant. I wanted to know if the purity of childhood had embellished my memories. I was afraid of being disappointed, because I now knew behind the scenes. The charm was there once again…I actually even said to Jean Garton: it’s because he knew how to transcribe, era to era, the truth and the atmosphere of motorsport that Michel Vaillant remains relevant.
Then, I found myself (represented) in a Michel Vaillant album. It was magic: I had entered in the BD (hardcover comic) I read as a kid! I spoke to this legendary character, rivaled him on the track. I remember the reaction of my son Nicolas. He didn’t know much about my job. I didn’t want him to come to the tracks or watch the Grand Prixs on TV, in case I had an accident. Suddenly, I read in his gaze that I had climbed multiple step in his ladder of values. Not because I was world champion, but because I was shaking the hand of Michel Vaillant!
This is why it important for me to preface this ‘intégrale Michel Vaillant’. It is not simply a series of comics, but an incomparable piece which enables the discovery of motorsport from the inside, to enter this family which Michel Vaillant is now a part of. Without a doubt, it will inspire the champions of tomorrow!
DO I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN?
Alain Prost, The Professeur, Senna’s main rival, most renowned French driver, became an F1 driver because of motorsport RPF. Without Michel Vaillant, he may have never even gotten into racing.
Hell, he even became part of the RPF himself! He really said:
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So to anyone who says RPF is purely detrimental to the sport, think again!
Without RPF, Alain Prost wouldn’t be the legend he is. Senna’s career would also probably be very different!
Side note - the series is actually really fun! The drawings of the cars/covers are iconic!
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Thank you for your attention ☺️
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harley-sunday · 3 months ago
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Vagabond
Summary: There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for Daniel. Even if it means flying out to Singapore on race day. 
Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x reader (unnamed OFC)
Warnings: Language
Word count: 1.9k
AN: How could I not? ♥
Part of the Pieces of Us universe (collection of one-shots). 
Pieces of Us masterlist 
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The sound of your phone ringing pulls you out of your early morning slumber and you blindly reach for where it’s laying on your nightstand, swiping right to accept the call without really looking at the screen, “Hello?”
“Hey,”
You pull the phone away from your ear and look at it in disbelief, thinking maybe this is all a bad dream, but the caller ID confirms it's not, “Blake?”
“Yeah.”
Shit. 
“Taff-” there’s an urgency to his voice that makes your heart beat faster and sends your mind racing because there’s no reason to call this early unless- Oh God- Daniel- What if-
“Taff,” Blake says again, his voice kinder now. “I need you here.” 
You let out a whimper in pain because no- Not like this- God, not like-
“Oh. No that’s not why- Shit. He’s ok,” Blake quickly tells you, “but I need you to listen, ok?”
You nod, then realise he can’t see you and so you whisper, “Ok.” 
“There’s a flight from Perth at twelve ten,” Blake tells you, using what you and Daniel dubbed his ‘manager-Blake-voice’. The one that doesn’t take no for an answer. The one who you trust blindly. And so you listen. Even if you don’t know what the hell is going on. “You’re flying Qantas, so you can use priority. I’ve already checked you in, I’ll send you the boarding pass in a couple of minutes. I’ll text you the rest of the information for when you land in Singapore, but there’ll be someone to pick you up, drive you to the track so you can see him before the race starts, ok?”
Twelve ten. Ok. That’s means you’ll have to be at the airport at ten at the latest, even if you only bring a carry-on, so you’ll have to leave here at nine-thirty, which is an hour from now, so technically there’s enough time, unless-
“Taff?” Blake’s voice interrupts your thoughts. “I need you to make this flight, ok? It’s important.”
It’s important. 
The words echo through your mind as you try to connect the dots, try to figure out what it is you’re missing, try to understand why Blake would call you at eight AM on a Sunday morning during the Singapore Grand Prix weekend, asking you to fly out not even four hours later. You try to come up with a million other reasons why he needs you there but it’s no good- You know there can be only one.
People say that whenever something mentally or physically terrifying happens, a person will either fight, or flight. You like to think there’s a third option; save what you can and make sure no one gets left behind. And so you ask, “Do you want me to pick up Joe and Grace?”
“No.”
You push yourself up from where you’ve been sitting on the edge of the bed and walk over to the window, peeking through the curtains to find the sun already high in the sky, “No, they’re driving to the airport themselves, or-”
“No, they can’t make it in time.” 
“Blake,” you whisper, something heavy settling deep in your chest because this is not how it’s supposed to go. “If this is- If he’s-” You take a shaky breath, “They should be there.” 
“I know, babe, but-” he sounds absolutely defeated. “I looked at all the options but with them at Karroun Hill they’re too far from an airport to make it work on such short notice.” 
You feel your throat go dry, because his parents should be there. “Michelle then?”
“She’s got the kids-”
“I can take the kids,” you offer immediately. “If I go over there and watch the kids, Michelle can go. They might still let you change the name on the ticket if you-”
“Taff,”
You start to feel yourself get desperate, “He needs his family there, Blake.” 
“Taff,” Blake tries again, his voice filled with sympathy. “You’re his family too.”
***
It takes you forty minutes to shower, pack a small overnight bag, and leave the house. Of course you need to stop for gas, which costs you another ten minutes, but ninety minutes after Blake called you’re at the airport and waiting for your flight to board. Which isn’t for another two hours. 
You kill the time by having breakfast, or try to anyway, because you’re way too nervous to eat more than a couple of bites and so instead you find a quiet corner and send a text to Grace and Joe to let them know you’re flying out to Singapore. Michelle gets a text too- by now you know better than to call anyone in a public place, especially with this kind of sensitive information- and she replies within minutes, telling you to give her brother a big hug when you see him. 
You decide against texting Daniel, don’t want him to be distracted, and instead you spend your time people-watching and remembering the last time you were in Singapore, two years ago, when Daniel finished fifth in that piece of shit McLaren. It was his best result in that god awful final year with the team and so you ignored Zak Brown’s pleas to celebrate with the team and instead opted for a quiet celebration with just the two of you. 
You’re so lost in thoughts you almost miss the final boarding call but there’s a kind gentleman next to you that nudges your elbow and says, “Isn’t that your flight, sweetheart?”
***
In the end, there’s a delay leaving Perth, a delay arriving at Singapore, and a never-ending queue at customs. To say you’re on edge when you finally get into the car Blake sent to pick you up would be an understatement. It’s already past eight in the evening and there’s no way you’ll make it to the track in time to see Daniel before the race. Your already broken heart breaks into a million more pieces at the thought of that and it takes everything you have not to break down right then and there. 
The driver seems to feel there’s an urgency, weaving in and out of traffic effortlessly, dropping you off at the paddock entrance a mere twenty minutes later with a hesitant smile. You make sure to thank him by tipping generously before you get out of the car and step into the hot Singapore air.
With only a few minutes left until the race starts there’s an almost eerie quiet in the paddock, most people getting ready in their respective garages, pit walls, or starting boxes, and so you make it through the gates and into the alley behind the garages with relative ease. No one seems to pay you any mind as you walk to the VCARB garage, which suits you just fine. 
The formation lap starts just as you enter the back of the garage, the roar of the engines sending a shiver down your spine. You find your way through the maze of corridors, offices, and driver rooms with relative ease, grabbing your pair of headphones as you pass the comms wall, and then all of a sudden you’re in the actual garage and there’s no going back. 
You look around and find Blake in his usual spot, near the back, standing a little to the side so he can keep an eye both on the monitors and the pit wall. The pit crew is too busy watching the cars line up on the starting grid and so you’re able to sneak past them to stand next to Blake. You look at him once you’ve put your headphones on and connected them to the comms unit and your heart, oh your heart. He looks so defeated, the sad smile he wears so unlike him, and you hate it. 
There’s so much to say and yet you both keep quiet, knowing now’s not the time. It’ll come- After. 
And so when Blake puts his arm around your shoulders and pulls you close, just as the red lights come on one by one, you have to bite your lip to keep from crying and try to get time to slow down. You don’t want this race to ever start. Or end.
***
It’s when Daniel gets boxed on lap fifty-eight that Blake nudges you and motions for you to take your headphones off. When you do, he leans in and puts his mouth close to your ear, “Pierre’s going to share his channel with you after the finish, ok?”
All of a sudden there’s a lump in your throat and all you can do is nod.
***
“Ok mate, thanks again for the hard work,” you can hear Pierre tell Daniel. “When we stop at the bridge, P1 on full-car switch-off, P0 on everything else.” On the screen you see Pierre looking at the garage from over his shoulder, “There’s someone here with a special message for you, Daniel.” 
“Hi babe,” you start, the tears you’ve been fighting all day finally spilling over. “I just want you to know that I’m so proud of you.”
There’s a lot of static on the line but you think you hear him let out a quiet laugh, “Ah, I can’t believe this.”
“I’ll see you in a bit, ok?” You smile through your tears, “Take it all in, Dan. It’s yours.” 
On the screen that shows you his onboard camera, you can see him nod. It takes a while before he answers, but when he does his voice is full of emotion, “Yep. Understood.”
***
It’s when the screens show Daniel sitting in his car, in Parc Fermé after the race, that you need to step out of the garage and into the corridor that leads to Daniel’s driver room. Because all of a sudden it hits you. He’s never going to have a moment like this ever again. The quiet crying from earlier turns into big, ugly sobs because God, it hurts. There’s too many people around for anyone not to notice you and so you use your access code to unlock Daniel’s room and step inside, a safe haven in the middle of all this madness.
You try some of the breathing techniques Michael taught you when he was still working with Daniel and after a few minutes you’ve calmed down, if only a little. It’s then the door opens and Daniel steps inside and all of a sudden it’s like nothing else exists. He looks the way you feel and so you are wrapping your arms around him before he’s even had the chance to close the door behind him and tell him, over and over and over again, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” 
 You know there’s not much time, know he has interviews and debriefs to get to, and so you pull back a little and cup his face, rubbing your thumbs over the stubble of his beard before you lean in and kiss him. Hard. 
“I should go,” Daniel whispers against your lips.
“I know-”
“Wait for me?”
“Take as long as you need.” You stand on your toes and press another kiss to his lips, “You know I’d do anything for you, right?” There’s a hint of that mischievous smile you fell in love with all those years playing on his lips, and so you match his smile and add, “And-” 
Of course he plays along, “And?”
You rest one hand against his chest, over his heart, “You love me for it.”
He lets his hands fall to your hips and rests his forehead against yours, sharing a breath, “That I do.”
“That you do.” 
He presses a kiss to your forehead then, “Always.” 
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violetrainbow412-blog · 1 year ago
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Day 25: love letters
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Masterlist flufftober 🎀
A small disclaimer: I tried my best to proofread the letters but I hope you can forgive any mistakes, if there are. I had a lot of fun planning this one, I hope you like it!
“Why do we have so much trash, Mom?” your teenage daughter asked, watching you close the third jumbo-sized black bag filled with things you clearly no longer needed.
You two were putting away the necessary things for the move the following week and, taking advantage of the occasion, you were getting rid of things you no longer needed and putting some others in boxes to donate to some institution. Michelle wasn't too excited about the idea of cleaning, like any teenager, but at that point she wasn't even helping you anymore and was just sitting near you, playing with anything interesting she found and keeping you entertained with her chatter.
“Over the years you accumulate things because you think they will be useful for later, but in reality they aren’t and they just become a pile of useless things” you laughed “And when they can be you forget that you have them saved and you buy a new one”
“Do you think Dad will buy me that closet I want for my birthday?”
“It will depend on your grades and how well you behave,” you murmured, as you always responded whenever she asked both of you for something. She knew it was easier to bend her father to her whims, but you made sure to remind Spencer that discipline was necessary too.
“What does that box have inside?” she asked and you had to lift your head from where she was standing to look at which box she was referring to.
A smile escaped you when you noticed that she had found your old, unpainted metal box that had once stored sweets but now fulfilled other functions, the one that you kept in a dresser drawer but that with so much movement had ended up on one of your husband's stacks of books.
“Open it and find out”
Your daughter did as you asked, removing the lid with some trepidation as if a poisonous animal was going to jump out.
“Letters?”
“These are all the letters your father has written to me,” you responded proudly. The package was quite sizeable and had everything from envelopes to poorly cut pieces of paper that Spencer would slip into your pocket from time to time.
“Letters?” she repeated, sounding quite confused. “That's like the Middle Ages. Did you guys not have cell phones or what?”
“Letters are still used today, miss Tech,” you scolded her, pointing an accusing finger at her. “But your dad has never been a fan of text messages, and when we met I was working as a clerk in a library that your dad frequented. We would talk from time to time and he would leave me pieces of paper among the books he handed out so that I could read them. Almost all of them were his opinion of the books, but at some point it was his way of flirting with me. This one, for example, was for our first date… see?”
You gave your daughter a folded brown sheet of paper, from which she read the following:
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“How cheesy!” she complained, after reading the words of the man who would later become your husband, although you knew she probably didn't mean it. “And what did you say to him?”
“Well, I told him yes, it's obvious. "It seemed very sweet to me, at our age no one did that kind of thing anymore."
“But there are many letters here.”
“Oh, yes, your dad traveled a lot when he still worked at the BAU and although we talked on the phone he made sure to write me a letter every time he missed me, which was almost every time” you laughed, remembering with nostalgia your courtship “He says that writing helps him think about things better. There are several good ones, to tell the truth”
You searched through the box for a letter that was decent enough for the teenager to read, feeling her gaze at all times. Finally you extended it to her, one made of beige paper and the same crooked handwriting that the two of you knew perfectly well.
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“And it didn't scare you?” she asked, frowning slightly “You know, that it was so… that he sounded so in love.”
“Oh, I was too, daughter,” you answered honestly. “Although not all of them were equally romantic, there are some that are sillier. Like that one here, look at this”
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“Was my dad always as nerdy as he is now? With that curious data and statistics”
“He was much more so,” you laughed. Your daughter opened her eyes wide, as if she didn't believe it.
“And you still married him?”
“Are you guys talking about me?” a voice spoke from the door, making both of you jump. Spencer had just finished his class hours and you didn't know why you hadn't even heard him open the door, but there he was now.
“I was showing Mich the letters you gave me,” you explained and he nodded softly, realizing this from the box resting on your daughter's lap.
“Do you still have them?” he asked, an almost imperceptible blush on his cheeks, as he sat on the bed next to you.
“Of course, why would I get rid of them?”
With care and love you reached up to the back of your husband's neck and then pulled him to you in a soft kiss that took him by surprise, but which he didn’t refuse.
“Ugh! You are disgusting!” Michelle squealed from the other side, forcing you to break away from the laughter that had overcome you.
“You won't say that when you have a boyfriend.”
"What are you talking about? She'll never have a boyfriend," Spencer added, as he always responded at the mention of it. "We're going to put her in a nunnery, don't you remember?"
"Daddy!" she complained, pretending to be upset, but with a smile giving away that she wasn't.
The man left his place to walk over to your daughter and lean towards her, trying to place a kiss on her forehead while he struggled with all her complaints and kicks. But in the end she always gave in, just like he did with her. They were each other's weakness.
“Go and take a shower and if you have homework, finish it. We’re going to order a pizza."
Your daughter gave a celebratory expression and left the room in a hurry, to fulfill what he had told her and also to get rid of the possibility of you asking her to do the cleaning that she hadn’t done during the afternoon.
"How was your day?"
“Everything normal,” he smiled, reaching out to take one of the old envelopes you had in the box, and with that you two seemed to be remembering the same time: the passionate and youthful love you had. “I hope she hasn't read the more inappropriate”
“No, I keep those just for myself,” you replied, winking at him playfully.
The next morning Spencer had classes early, so he left almost after breakfast. You didn't realize that he had left a note on the table until much later and when you found it you couldn't help but smile like a fool.
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taglist: @navs-bhat@reidwritings@tricia-shifting14@spencerslove@vivian-555 @r-3dlips @rhiannonhippiegirl @taygrls @simp4f1@sdddoobydoobydoo@taintedstranger @missabsey
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trashmouth-richie · 1 year ago
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𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: escaping Hawkins was impossible, but he did it. when a ghost from your past shows up unexpectedly, bringing with him old memories and holding up a mirror to the train wreck life you’re living… you find it hard to trust him again.
𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+ no minors, depictions of poverty, child neglect/ endangerment, drug use/abuse, alcohol use/abuse, endangerment, 18+ sex working, 18+stripping, violence, smut. no use of y/n reader has a name that’s introduced in the first chapter, and another “nickname” that is lightly used throughout this series. eddie also has a nickname given by reader.
𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: memories flood back of when you were younger, Eddie wants to talk but silence holds merit.
𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞: here i come, but i ain’t the same
𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨: cold before the warm
masterlist
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The nub end of graphite scrawls against a crinkled back page of paper. Ripped haphazardly from a composition book labeled: Language Arts—E.M.
The yellow pencil was pocked with teeth marks, having been between a pair of teeth that weren’t yours, mind not even gathering the germs that could be harbored in the pressed wood. 
Your tongue had been poked out for nearly three minutes according to the watch on Eddie’s wrist. Your brain working overtime trying to find the best phrase that would stump your friend in the game of Hangman. 
The alphabet was written in a hurry on the left side of the page, parallel to the hanging post. Beneath that were evenly scratched dashes on the blue printed line, waiting for their companion of letters to be filled by Eddie’s correct guesses. 
Putting the pencil down with a satisfying smack, you look up from your masterpiece confidently.
“Okay, I’m ready!” 
Eddie chomps a piece of Big Red loud between his teeth, unhooking his tangled feet from underneath himself and stretching out his skinny legs, jeans from the previous school year hacked into shorts for the summer, “took long enough.”
You make a face and flip him a suggestive finger, the nail chipped and painted pink from the last time your neighbor Michelle let you play with her nail polish, and in return you listened to her gab about her boyfriend while she combed her hair like Marcia Brady. 
“Don’t be a poor loser because you’ve lost the last four games, Clove.” 
He laughs when your eyebrows turn into a pout, the heel of your worn sneaker kicking into his. The same black pair of converse, yours a few sizes smaller, faded and tattered, fitting your feet in a way that was uncomfortable for the arch of your foot, years of wear accustomed to another’s foot print that belonged to the boy across from you. 
Letters are guessed and lines filled in. Eddie insists that you make the hangman have a face complete with nose, mouth and eyes realizing that he is close to eating his words from earlier. 
“Would you like the hangman to be wearing socks and a hat?” You ask honestly, hiding a smirk behind the paper. 
Eddie scoffs, working a bite mark into his bottom lip as he racks his brain for what kind of dumb phrase you conjured up, “I quit on terms that you’re a cheater.” 
The insult was harsh, not worse than the words that you heard around your kitchen table or ones that ricocheted off the thin walls when you were on the cusp of dreaming. No, this word hurt. Stung into your skin like a wasp, repeating its terror until you were swollen and skin ached of heat. 
Tears sprung to your eyes, clinging to your lashes ready to drop. The paper clenched in your fist as you shoved it under Eddie’s nose, proving your innocence. 
“I am not!” 
“Sure you are,” he takes the paper from you, folding it roughly into an uneven shape and shoving it between the couch cushions behind him, “Cheatin’ Clove. Has a nice little ring to it doesn’t it?” 
Before Eddie can say anymore, a can of Coca Cola is thrown at his head hitting him with a thud, followed by your whimpers and the sound of your feet clapping against the dirty linoleum. 
“Clove! ow! Wait!” 
The screen door scratched your palms as you twisted it open. Jumping from the stairs and landing hard in the dirt, you didn’t bother bringing your bike home. Choosing to run the short distance instance instead, shutting the front door with a heavy slam. 
Tears soaked your pillowcase before you drifted to sleep, curled up on top of the patchwork quilt on your bed. 
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Eddie. 
His name was trapped in your mouth, dry along your tongue, unable to force its way out. 
He was a ghost to you, memories that were buried and dormant were now flooding back at full speed, pinging around your brain firing each nerve tucked away deep, landing you a migraine behind your eyes. 
Seven years. 
Seven fucking years, since you had seen those doe shaped eyes, brown muddied colors still lost in a child’s innocence and wonderment— barely aged from the last time you had seen him. That memory burned into your retinas, like fuel to a pained flame. 
His hair was longer, well past his shoulders now, fringe of his bangs still thick on his forehead. His knuckles were covered in tattoos, the little you can see of his neck is also full of dark wisps of ink.
He says your nickname, the one only he knew. A joke between best friends. 
You try to open your mouth, fighting like hell to will anything to come out, but nothing does, the words choke against your throat, caught against each other in a tangled string of sharp edges.
“uh— I—E..”  
His eyes grew bigger than they already were, waiting for you to say something, anything. It was as if time stood still, all the pain from years prior coming back.
Images of Eddie, his smile, the bloody gash on his knee from his longboard, small memories, painful ones that could bring someone less strong to their knees: all flash behind your eyes.  
The pain from all those years ago was searing through you like a knife. Memories that you kept buried away were suddenly throttling you like they had just happened, the wounds that were licked clean were now fresh and open, blood flowing freely.
Before hot tears can spill down your face, you spin wildly on your heel, walking fast and turning back to the bar. The tray slamming onto the back counter with a loud bang, snapping.  
Your breath was erratic, heart racing. Whatever lingering high you had was gone. Emotions you hadn’t felt in years coursing through you demanding to be felt. 
Why was he back? 
You didn’t know the purpose of his return to Hawkins, only registering how hurt you felt that he was. The day he left still stung your spine, sending shivers all over your body. 
Did he ever think of you? In the seven years he had been gone did you bleep on his radar even once?
Hanging your head your fingers tap nervously on the lacquered wood, trying to calm yourself down before you work yourself up anymore than you already were. 
“Be right back,” you called over your shoulder to Jolene, head down walking fast to the cooler. 
The chilled air made your skin prick with goosebumps but you couldn’t care, the only thing you could feel was your heart shattering to pieces all over again. 
The floor was cold under your body, shelves and beer boxes held you up as you fell apart. Deep shuddering breaths in and winded ones out, you don’t wipe the tears as they free fall down the apples of your cheeks—dragging black eyeliner and mascara with them til they trickle from your chin. 
The callus of your life made it hard to feel, even harder to cry. But once the gate was open, it was challenging to close. A dam of pent up emotions broke free out of you like an angry flood, full of irreparable damage, forgotten feelings and an exploding heart. Taking with it years of questions, hopes and dreams. 
Scenery wasn’t the only thing that was altered in his time away. You evolved, having to peel off layers of naivety and fear. Would he care if he knew? 
Wiping another sludge of wet makeup from under your eyes you catch the tattoo on your hand. 
It burned on your skin. Prickling like it hadn’t been ten years since you’d gotten it.  Years that seemed like a different lifetime ago.
It practically was.
The boy who did them was long gone, and the man in his place was someone you didn’t even know. 
It was you. 
The only person in all of Hawkins who made it bearable. What should have been a joyful reunion was clouded over with painful memories. Of course there were good ones, but mostly the bad out weighed anything happy. 
You had always been the little bit of sunshine that broke through on a cloudy day, the only person he trusted with silly secrets, trusted with anything.
He couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe that you were here. Not just in Hawkins. But working here. 
A surge of rage filled his stomach but was quickly washed out by pain as you stomped away, looking as if you had seen a ghost, a part of your past that you didn’t want to remember. 
Was that what he was to you? A painful memory, one that was more sour than everything else that happened? 
Jeff’s voice is muffled in his ears, as if he’s trying to speak underwater. He can’t wrap his head around this whole thing. The guilt eating him alive. 
Eddie clears his throat and takes a generous sip of beer, trying to stop his hands from shaking, chilled sweat creeping down his back. He fiddles with a napkin, ripping the end into small shreds and rolling them up like a kid would for a spit wad. 
He could map out every scar on your arms and legs, tell anyone the exact color of your eyes, in sunlight and in a dark room. He knew your favorite song, that you were afraid of the dark and that your front teeth didn’t come in for almost three months after he had helped you pull them out.
You had taught him how to hang upside down on the monkey bars behind the trailer park. He taught you how to play his guitar, and if he thought hard enough he could remember the smell of your shampoo. 
You were everything to him.
Bestfriends since the cradle, made up handshakes and secrets sworn to the grave. But years, tear spilled miles and the guilt of broken promises wedged a distance between you. 
One that couldn’t be made better by the letters he sent that went unanswered. And it definitely wouldn’t get fixed in one random night when fate lead him to this fucking dump, back under your nose.
It hurt not seeing the sparkle in your eyes, but he could only blame himself. 
“Sorry, what was that?” 
Jeff motions for Eddie to lean in, doing so he jerks his head to the bar where you are standing stone-still hovering over a counter with your back turned to them. “She looked familiar, right? Did she go to school with us?” 
“Yeah,” he admitted, trying to shove down his emotions with another gulp of beer, “she did.” 
Jeff leans back, “Chloe? Cassie, Chasity… no. Claire? Shit what was her name?” 
Eddie’s eyes fell to the smudgy tattoo, he rubs his thumb over the ink, “Clove.”
“That’s right!” clapping his hands together, “knew it was something weird.” 
Eddie let himself smile. Small and weak, his lip ticking up on one side. He rubbed the tattoo again, remembering that day like it was yesterday. 
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The summer breeze blows hotly through the makeshift curtains, sending the loose paper on the dresser scattering like desert tumbleweeds across Eddie’s bedroom floor, joining the litter of car magazines and unwashed clothes taking up space in the tiny room. 
“gotta sit still Slick, or this won’t work.” 
You were biting through your lip, trying to muffle a cry from breaking out, “ow..it hurts!” 
It was your idea to get matching tattoos with your best friend, and it was Eddie who said he could do them no problem. He had already tattooed a heart on Dave with his girlfriend's name through the center last month—never mind that she dumped him a week later. The sobs coming from trailer 11 didn’t ever seem to end. 
“Well yeah,” Eddie chuckles, clearing his throat and puffing behind a cigarette, “what did you expect it would be done with? A marker?”
Your right hand rested on his bent knee for precision. The other was clamped tight over your eyes in hopes that if you didn’t see how it was done, it wouldn’t hurt so bad. 
The warmth of your sweaty nervous palm on his jeans felt hot, as if you were being burnt alive. But, despite the pain from the needle going in and out of your skin, Eddie was gentle. 
His shoulder provided comfort as you leaned your head onto it, slowly wetting his shirt with your tears. You curl your body into his side, knees stabbing into his ribs, head pressed tight to the side of his neck, hand fisting the sleeve of his shirt for support as you intake a sharp breath when he finishes the curve of the dainty heart. 
“Need a break?” he asks, setting the needle down on the carpet, rubbing a pattern with his thumb on your hand. “I made some Kool-Aid yesterday, your favorite kind.” 
Lynyrd Skynyrd plays softly in the background and Eddie strums along on your palm to the guitar solo. 
Muffled against his cotton shirt, your voice is hoarse from the tears, “orange?” 
He chuckles around a cloud of smoke, “hell yeah, picked some up yesterday morning before my shift, got a few packets for your place too, I know how much Lolly likes it.” 
“Speaking of,” you uncross your legs to stand, “I gotta go check on her.” 
Eddie stands up with you, a whole head taller than you were, you pluck the cigarette from his mouth and slot it into your own, inhaling the tobacco expertly into your lungs as you examine the small tattoo on your skin.
“‘m not done yet, but what do ya think?” 
Blood and ink were smeared around it messily, but it looked identical to the one he had on his left hand, yours only missing the clover. 
A smile stretches across your lips and you feel the burn of tears from in your eyes, “it’s perfect, Eddie.”  
He opens his bedroom door, grabbing the cigarette from your mouth and squishing it into the heaping ashtray on his nightstand. “you really think so?” he whispers.
“Are you kidding? It’s amazing!” 
He blows his lips in a raspberry, long legs walking down the dingy carpet hallway to the kitchen, “let those prissy bitches try to pick on you now… nobody wants to fight someone with tattoos.” 
The girls at school weren’t nice in elementary school and they somehow got nastier with every year. You went from being “stinky girl” to “trailer skank” overnight. 
A far cry from any sort of originality, but that’s how Hawkins was, ruled by the dim and dumb, daddy’s bank account used as a hierarchy status. 
You always brushed them off, keeping mostly to yourself and to your best friend. Eddie took it upon himself to conjure up a frenzied retort that would have them scoffing in disgust. 
With Eddie, nothing else mattered, he didn’t care if your clothes didn’t fit right, or if your ponytail looked scraggly. He didn’t give a shit what people thought of him. You were just two neglected trailer park kids, but to him, you were important. 
“You're an artist Eddie, could probably make a lot of money doing this someday.” 
The idea fell silent between you, both knowing in your hearts what path your life would lead you down. Stuck in the nightmare of what went on behind the thin walls in the trailer park.
Peering over the counter you can see Lolly. Sleeping just as soundly as she had when you laid her down. The stolen playpen from the yard sale on Cornwalis turned out to be worth the uncomfortable bike ride back to Forest Hills with Eddie standing on his pedals and you on the handlebars holding onto dear life as he raced back home. 
Her chubby cheeks were pressed against the yellow floral sheet, little curls twisted into two tiny pigtails, milk dribbling slow from her puckered lips. 
You smile at the sight of such innocence, wishing that you too were unaware of what life was actually like, and knowing that you would do anything to keep your little sister safe from this reality for as long as possible. 
“Can’t believe she cried that long, usually she loves pb&j’s..” Eddie points to your head, trying not to laugh, “you still have peanut butter in your hair by the way.” 
Lolly had thrown every last bit of her sandwich in a temper tantrum fueled by a lack of sleep. Her aim being perfect with you as her target. 
Twenty minutes with your head under the bathroom sink and Eddie cackling as he squeezed shampoo on your head apparently wasn’t enough to get the sticky treat out.  
“Little shit,” you huff, a smirk on your lips, turning to the fridge, and reaching for the sugary orange drink from the shelf, shutting the door with your hip, “think she might be cuttin’ some teeth at least that’s what Patty said last time she babysat.” 
Eddie reached for the plastic cups that were nabbed from Benny’s after one of his busboy shifts, holding them steady as you poured the juice.
Only spilling a little, you lifted the end of your shirt to mop the counter up. “Kids are weird,” Eddie says, smacking his lips with an orange mustache after a long swig, “remind me never to have ‘em.” 
Snorting through your nose you swallow harshly, a quirk to your eyebrow, “having kids is totally normal, all of our neighbors do.”
He thought quietly before speaking again, “yeah, and nobody is ever around..” he shakes his head. “We’re gonna leave here someday, you and me.” 
You roll your eyes, “sure thing, Slim.” 
Eddie talked crazy like this sometimes. Always dreaming bigger than you could even fathom. Head permanently stuck in the clouds, wishing, hoping for something better than the cards you were both dealt. But you on the other hand, your feet, in hand-me-down shoes, never left the ground. 
His voice was stern when he spoke to you, eyes pleading, and you had never heard him like that before. 
“I’m serious, I’ll die before I stay here,” he moves forward, holding your biceps as he looks down at you, dark eyes wide, almost wild, “I promise you, we won’t end up like this...okay?” 
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He couldn’t blame you for the way you reacted when your eyes met his. Seeing you tonight hurt more than he could have ever imagined it too. To be honest, he didn’t expect you to still be in Hawkins, but then again— where would you have gone? 
“…you still there dude?” 
Eddie’s eyes shift to Jeff, plastering a smirk to his lips to hide the pain etched so evidently on his face, “yeah, I just uh— tired I guess.” 
He scanned the bar for you, still seeing your frame behind the counter, this time turned around handing a round of beers to a couple of college punks. 
“How far is the drive?” 
Bless Jeff for trying to keep this conversation alive, but Eddie’s mind was anywhere but here at this table. 
Questions he never thought to ask, suddenly poured into his mind. Did you finish high school? Where were you living? How’s Lolly? How old is she now? How have you been? 
He felt sick that he didn’t know the answer to any of them. Guilt devouring away at him like a flesh eating amoeba. 
“Six—no, probably seven hundred miles.. give or take.” 
Had you applied to college? Were you still living in the trailer park?  
“Damn,” Jeff said, scrubbing his hands down his face, “gonna have to visit you sometime, show me around all the cool places… you ever been out to LA? My girlfriend, well ex now, we went a year ago around Christmas time she really loved...”
Although Eddie didn’t know the answers, he figured maybe Jeff would. 
He shakes his head, interrupting his friend, hand raised in apology, “hey, uh wh— whatever happened to her?” He hooks a thumb in your direction in the most nonchalant way he could, even though his entire body was fidgeting in anticipation. 
Jeff raises an eyebrow, “Clove? Oh umm, shit… well I think, no.. yeah no, she didn’t graduate. I remember hearing that she had dropped out, and now she works here apparently.” 
A smirk forms on his lips and he points behind him to the back corner, “forgot to tell you, rumor has it this place is more than just a strip joint,” his dark eyebrows wiggle, “if y'know what I mean.” 
For the first time tonight, Eddie noticed girls coming and going from the beaded doorway, vacant expressions on their smudged faces. Trailing behind were drunk men with glazed eyes and sweaty foreheads, readjusting the threads of their belts and slacks. 
He scans the bar with wild eyes in search of you. Hoping and praying to whoever would listen that you weren’t a part of this. You couldn’t be. 
Who is he kidding? 
If you were still in Hawkins, still under the weight and scrutiny of the inner dealings that started in the trailer park, you were very much involved. 
Realization hit him like a freight train. His stomach clenched and warped with the dreaded grief and guilt he still carried. Deep down he had figured this was what your life had come to. Lying to himself in thinking that you had gotten away from all of this. But seeing it firsthand, in the flesh—he couldn’t bear the thought of it. 
Choking back vomit, he slides from the booth hastily, practically spilling his beer all over the table in his desperate attempt to find you. 
“shit!” Jeff shouted, “dude, you alright?” 
He wasn’t. 
He stumbles from the table, tripping over his own boots and knocking into one of the burly bearded men at the bar, sending his drink tumbling to the ground. Glass and liquor covering the floor like the sparkle of a fresh snow. 
“What’s your problem asshole!?” 
His fiery red hair matched his temper, and the weathered roughness of his cheeks, “ever been inside a bar, tough guy?”  
Before Eddie can whip up a witty retort, Mr. Big Red comes back for more, grabbing him by the arm and shoving him into the high counter of the bar, “hey honey, better stop serving this prick, he can’t handle his liquor like a real man.” 
The swinging doors open and there you are again, struggling beneath the keg you’re carrying. He wanted to jump up and grab it from you, but Eddie was still pinned to the bar by the guy's hand on his bicep, tightening more and more. 
Your eyes reach his and it’s like you don’t even see him. 
“Agh, c’mon Mick,” you say, a warm smile on your lips, “I like ‘em nice and drunk, that’s when they tip the best.”
You set the keg down with a metallic thud on the floor, grabbing a bottle of Jameson and two shot glasses. The mahogany liquid pours smoothly, much like the dark eyes watching you, and heat crawls up your neck. 
Sliding one towards Mick, you hold the other up by your black painted fingers, Clinking them together with a ‘cheers’ and bringing the glass to your lips, allowing your eyes to finally glance towards Eddie. 
He was taller now. His shoulders, more broad, filling in the teenage lithe muscles that fit his frame then. His baby face disappeared entirely, now his chin was stretched with a sharp jaw, which was currently clenched like he was holding back anger, his throat bobbing in a dance of tattooed skin. 
You swallow the liquor in one gulp, relishing the burn as it slips down your throat, the same fire that’s staring from across the counter. Eddie hadn’t taken his eyes from yours.
A twitch forms in your eyelid and you blink it away, setting the glass down hard on the wooden countertop.
You lean your body across the bar, collecting the glassware that’s accumulated since you had been hiding in the cooler. Placing them gently into the warm sudsy sink to wash before filling the small dishwasher below. 
Mickey was already turned back around, talking loudly to Wendy and trying to get her to sit on his lap for five bucks. His grip on Eddie’s arm turns limp when you slide him another shot, just for good measure. 
The bar is chaotic, loud and boisterous, but the air between you and Eddie is quiet, stagnant, no warmth from you. Icicles could form from your frigid silence. 
He knocks his knuckles against the bar, big gaudy rings clacking along, keeping in rhythm to the music playing overhead, but you don’t give in. Don’t humor him by asking how or why he knew Rock Me Amadeus.
“Hey V,” you call out to your work partner, “get this stranger a drink before he gets a parking ticket.” 
Swiveling away from him, you squat down to maneuver the keg to where it needed to go, rocking it on its rounded edge and swiveling it into place. 
Veronica’s voice is cheery and dripping with sex appeal as she asks Eddie what he wants to drink, and you can’t misplace the deepness of his voice, and the polite way he tells her that he’s fine for the evening. 
Cracking the top of the keg, you hook it up to the correct tap, shoving with all your might to get it in under the cabinet and slotted in properly. 
Spending more time than necessary below the bar, you avoid the warm chocolate eyes waiting for you up above. 
What were you supposed to say to him? Thank God you’re home? What the hell did he even want?  
An ant is huddled around a spilled drop of grenadine, you watch as it collects the sticky treat—what you wouldn’t give to switch places with the insect for a few hours. 
If one thing was certain you would need a little encouragement to make it through tonight and the haunting memories that shuddered through you every time you looked at Eddie.
Your purse was in the cubby over to the right, nimble fingers find the familiar plastic of the bottle, screwing off the top and clicking three pills into your hand. 
A greedy palm finds your lips, your eager tongue accepting the drugged gift. Swallowing without any liquid, your spit was more than enough to coat the tablets, watering upon knowing the relief you’ll be met with. 
More shouts and hollers boom through your ears, this time in celebration. 
“Where’d you go sweet cheeks? Need a round, Bobby just found out his girl isn’t pregnant!” 
Duty called, and you knew those dark eyes were still waiting for you, hide and seek was done for now, and in a few short minutes, you’d feel like you were flying. 
Boots planted firm on the sticky tiles, you push yourself up, fully expecting a litter of questions. But when you face him, he’s quiet. Silently watching your every move. 
Not in a way you’re watched by every other slimeball in this town, his eyes never once flicking over your curves or the deep v of your shirt. 
Eddie was admiring the woman you’d become. The shy girl he once knew was replaced by a force to be reckoned with. Did you become that way because he left? No longer having him around to stick up for you?
He pushed out those thoughts, thoughts of you alone. 
The way you fleetingly moved from drunk to drunk, collecting tips and pouring drinks, you were a natural. no longer the girl that was afraid of spiders and slept with a nightlight. What should have been a comfort in his heart stretched into an angry bruise against his soul. 
Warmth riddled your face into a smirk as you dug jabs back at the guys, making them pay up front before they tried to slink away to the back rooms. 
Eddie couldn’t miss how the smile never reached your eyes, that glassy lost look couldn’t fool him, another ping of guilt cutting through him like a knife. 
You were elbow deep in the warm water now, fingers pruned and slicked with soap when he finally speaks. The counter had cleared up enough that he wasn’t squashed between some greasy assholes, the regulars fighting to get to the best seats closest to the stage.  Tiffany on her second set of the night, her shiny heels spinning in the air to Girls, Girls, Girls. 
“So I’m a stranger now?”
Your fingers slip on the smooth surface of a glass and it hits the bottom of the sink with a thud at the sound of his voice, thankfully not breaking. Looking up, the smile fades as you stare back at him, fully allowing yourself to take him all in.  “what else would you be?” 
“Gee, I don’t know, Slick,” his hands twirl the rings on his left hand, “a friend.” 
Your laugh is filled without humor, sheer mockery as you shake your hands above the sink ridding them of suds and water. 
“Friend…” the scoff is thick in your throat, swallowing a ball of vomit before you continue, “that’s rich isn’t it?” 
“Clove..”
“…y’know…I had one of those once,” you say, eyes dead behind your irises, moving to the spouts of the draft beer, “at least I thought he was.” 
“Can we talk?” he pleads. 
“..think I’ve heard more than enough…” slapping down two heavy beers in front of him, you glare into muddy brown eyes, trying not to let yourself feel the pain in your chest, “these two are on the house.” 
Without a second glance or even a fuck you, you stomp towards the dressing room, leaving him sitting alone to sit alone at the bar, and for a split second you allow yourself to feel good it. His turn to be left in the dust this time. 
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youvebeenlivingfictional · 1 year ago
Text
The Other Half Part Eighteen
Previous Part | Masterlist | Next Part
Warnings: Angst and fluff
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It’s a way to get his attention. You’re not even sure that it’ll work. So far, nothing else has. 
--
You’d tried reminding Bruce that you need to talk, like he said you would. You still have things that you need to hash out, questions that you want answered. But something always seems to come up: Commissioner Gordon calls you in to ask additional questions; Bruce spends his nights out thwarting muggings, robberies, and his days sleeping, or tracking down the boss of those thugs that kidnapped you. 
Your opposite schedules have never seemed so stark to you before. With so much that you want to talk about and so little time to do it, you can’t even justify asking him to sit with you for five minutes—because everything that you want to talk about with him is going to take so much longer, and you both know it. 
--
He’d been on his way out when you’d mentioned needing to grab something to bring to Liz’s party that night.
“Something like what?” Bruce asked, hardly looking up from the papers that Alfred had handed him. You’d bitten the inside of your cheek, trying to quell your annoyance. 
“I don’t know…Flowers, wine…A succulent? Something?” 
“Sounds good.” 
“...Bruce,” You leaned into it, your irritation getting the better of you. It was only worse when he dropped the papers onto the kitchen counter to reach into his pocket. You watched him fish out his wallet out and leaf through it. You’d expected him to pass over some cash. 
He’d put his black AmEx on the counter. 
Before you had a chance to question his actions, he was taking the papers up again and rounded the counter. He’d murmured, “Love you,” And pressed a speedy kiss to your cheek before he’d gone on his way. 
You’d stared down at the card, the feeling of dissatisfaction growing heavy in your stomach as you mumbled, "Love you, too," To an empty room.
-- 
You’d started with the gift for Liz and passed Bruce’s card over almost hesitantly. You expected questions, a request for ID, but—nothing. The shop attendant swiped it, smiled, and told you that the flowers would be ready to pick up at 8. 
You’d been on your way out of the shop when you’d gotten a text from Bruce: 
$350 for flowers? 
Sounds a little small for Liz
Your brows had jumped up, lips twisting in irritation. That had certainly gotten his attention. 
-- 
You’re sure that this is going to get his attention, too. Your stomach squirms as the shop attendant rings up item after item after item after item after item—
“Holy shit, girlie,” Michelle breathes beside you, practically hanging over the counter to watch the items’ cost tally up. Always up to be your partner in depravity, it hadn't taken much to convince Michelle to go on this little shopping spree with you. You don’t dare look at her, or, the cost; you’re certain that her eyes are about as wide as dinner plates. You’re just listening to the incessant beep of the barcode scanner and the tap of computer keys are you wring your hands. It’s too early for the remorse to set in, you think. You haven’t really done any damage yet…Hell, you can still tell the shop attendant that you've changed your mind—
“That’ll be $24,395.22.” 
The attendant’s voice is chipper and bright, rattling the total off as if the store does numbers like that every damn day. Hell, maybe they do. Specie is one of the most expensive shops in Gotham, the likes of which you’d never thought you’d ever be able to go to. You’d expected to be followed around like criminals, but maybe the shop attendant recognized you from the tabloids. She’d kept her distance as you and Michelle perused the shelves.
And now, as you pass Bruce’s card over to her, her eyes widen slightly at the name of the piece of plastic. You clear your throat when she doesn’t swipe it right away, and her cheeks go pink as you raise your brows. She tucks it into the card reader it wordlessly, and the three of you wait with baited breath as the machine does its work. She finally pulls it back with a bright smile, holding it out to you. 
“Will you be needing help getting it to your car?” 
“Uh…” You glance toward the sea of bags, nodding. “Yeah, I think we will.” 
Alfred’s eyes widen marginally as he rounds the back door to the trunk, opening it for the shop attendants to load your purchases inside. You tuck your hands in your pockets, fingers grasping the phone. You wait for the buzz of a text, but you feel nothing. Alfred nods to the attendants as they head back inside, closing the trunk. 
“Will we be making any more stops?” He glances between you and Michelle with a small, conspiratorial smile. Michelle’s lips curl into an almost devious smile. 
“Well, I don’t know,” She turns to look at you. “Do you have anything to wear tonight?” 
You do, you actually already have an outfit picked out. But you wait a few more moments, and when you don’t feel your phone buzz still, you shake your head. 
“You know what, no,” You shift your gaze from Michelle’s to Alfred’s. “I don’t think I do.” 
-- 
“Could you excuse us?” 
Your heart drops into your stomach as you hear Bruce’s voice, and feel him take hold of your hand. You'd arrived at the party alone, and you've been on-edge, waiting for Bruce to walk through the door. Now, it seems that he's slipped in quietly, and it feels like you haven't had time to brace yourself. Liz smiles, winking at you and warning, “If you’re gonna fuck in the bathroom again, be quick about it. Dinner will be ready soon.” 
You let Bruce lead you away from the conversation, steering you through the party. You can only get a look at the back of his head; he doesn’t turn to look at you, or to tell you where you’re going. He finally pulls you into a room, shutting the door behind the two of you. You glance around, taking in the small study as Bruce flips the light on. You fold your arms across your chest, forcing a stern expression. You’re ready for him to be mad, to ask you what the hell you were thinking, but…
But when Bruce turns around, he’s…Smiling. You can’t help but frown deeply. He looks happy? How dare he look so happy when you’ve felt so miserable all day. 
“...What’s that face for?” You ask. 
“You had a busy afternoon.” 
“I…Got a few things.” 
“You spent nearly $50,000 in three hours,” He chuckles. 
“And you’re not mad about it?” Your brow furrows. “You, like, hated how much I spent on the flowers for Liz.” 
“...Hated it?” Bruce shakes his head. “I was kidding.” 
Your mouth forms a small confused o as you glance away. 
“...I guess I read the tone of your text wrong.” 
“So you went on a spending spree?” 
You sigh, turning away from Bruce and walking more deeply into the study. 
“You weren’t responding to anything else,” You grumble, leaning back against the desk and looking down at your shoes (your new shoes—they’re a little tight, but they match your new dress). 
“What do you mean?” 
“We’ve needed to talk for weeks and we haven’t. I spent that money on the flowers and you answered, like, immediately.” 
It’s a moment before you hear Bruce come closer. His shoes come into view after a few moments, and he reaches out, sliding his hands over your hips. 
“I know I said that we’d talk, but…” 
But. But didn’t sound good. 
“I didn’t make the time for it. That’s not fair to you.” Bruce gave your hips and gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry.” 
You look up at him finally, relieved to find genuine remorse riddling his features. You raise a hand, cupping his cheek. 
“Can we talk tonight?” You implore. “Please?” 
Bruce nods, giving your hips a gentle squeeze. “Yes.” 
“You promise?” 
“I promise.” 
“Okay,” You smile, relieved. “Thank you.” 
Bruce leans in, kissing you warmly. You hum, sliding your hands up and over his shoulders, giggling as Bruce crowds closer. 
“Bruce,” You warn softly as he eases you back onto the desk, hips pressing against yours. “Liz said dinner would be ready soon.” 
“I’ll be fast.” 
“Well that’s just what every girl wants to hear.” 
-- 
“Most of this seems…Oddly practical,” Bruce admits, looking around at the purchases that Alfred has taken out of the bags and laid out in one of the mansion’s sitting rooms. “I’m not sure if I’m more impressed or disappointed.” 
“Well what did you expect me to do? Just point at the most expensive, random shit and say, ‘that one’?” 
“Hell, that’s what I would’ve done.” 
You snort, scrubbing your hand over your face. 
“I’ll sort through what’s yours and what’s mine later.” 
“You got things for me?” Bruce’s brows raise. 
“Of course I did. You, and Alfred…A couple of things for Michelle and the apartment.” 
“...Let’s start there,” Bruce rounds to sit on the couch beside you. You raise your brows as he grasps your legs, drawing them up into his lap. You smile as he undoes the strap on one of your shoes, the then other. You wiggle your toes, flexing and pointing them as you lean back against the arm of the couch. 
“Start with my shoes?” You tease.
“Start with you moving in.” 
Your stomach flips, and you have to bite back a smile. 
“Okay,” You agree, nodding. “What about me moving in?” 
“You essentially have already, but you’re still giving Michelle rent.” 
“Well,” You raise your hand, scrubbing it across the back of your neck. “I’ve still got stuff over there, and I…Still go there.” 
“To visit.” 
“...Yeah,” You sigh. “I can’t, um…I mean, I shouldn’t officially move out just yet, not until Mish can find a new roommate or a new apartment.” 
“Alright,” Bruce concedes. “What else?” 
“I guess, well…” You lower your gaze to your lap. “The kids…Thing.” 
“Yeah.” 
“Do you want them? I mean, ever?” Your gaze flickers nervously toward Bruce. You don’t see the same fretful contemplation as you’d seen after the kidnapping. Bruce’s gaze is set ahead of himself, almost unfocused. 
“...I still don’t know,” He finally admits, turning his head toward you a little. “The thought of having a child, of the two of you being in danger…” His hand flexes around your ankle before he gently sweeps the bone with his thumb. “I don’t know what I’d do. I wouldn’t be able to think straight.” 
You consider for a moment before you draw your legs off of Bruce’s lap. He seems startled by the movement, but relaxes as you shift closer on the couch, cuddling into his side. 
“For what it’s worth, I know what you mean,” You rest your head on his shoulder, curling your arm around his middle. “I don’t like thinking about you being in danger, either.  And I wouldn’t want to put a kid through…What happened.” You still can’t quite talk about it. Bruce’s arm tightens around your middle as he presses his face into your hair. You bite your lip before you tip your chin up. 
“I guess…Well,” You draw in a deep breath to quell your nerves. “Are you going to do this…Forever?” 
“Do what?” 
“What you do, Bruce,” You draw away from him to get a better look at him. “Are you going to be Batman forever? I mean, when does it stop?” 
“When Gotham is safe.” 
“And when will that be?” 
“This city needs me.” 
“And I don’t?” You snap.
His lips purse in upset, his jaw going tight. You guiltily lower your gaze to your lap, raising your hand and resting your head against it. 
“Okay,” You concede softly. “Maybe we just…Put a pin in that one.” 
Bruce reaches out, taking hold of your other hand. 
“It’s a lot to think about.” 
“I know,” You nod. “Just…As long as we’re both actually thinking about it.” 
“We are.” 
“Okay.” You swallow thickly, glancing over toward a few of the stacks of things. “By the way, not everything I got was practical. I bought you a grappling hook.” 
“You what?” 
“It seemed like the kind of thing that you’d use.” 
“I do.” 
“I wouldn’t use the one that I got you, though, it’s, like…An antique. Kind of more of a statement piece.” 
“Okay,” He chuckles, and you relax as the air seems to lighten. “How much did that cost?” 
“I have no idea, sorry. I’ll give you your card back.” 
“There’s no need.” 
“Of course there is.” 
“No, there isn’t.” 
“It’s yours, Bruce.” 
“It’s yours, too.” 
Your brow furrows with confusion. 
“What do you mean?” 
“I added you to the account.” 
Your eyes widen in shock, lips parting and working wordlessly for a few moments. 
“I—Bruce, why would you do that?” 
He chuckles softly, smoothing his thumb along your hand. 
“So that you can get anything you need, baby. I’d say today was a good start.”
"Oh my god," You groan, turning your face into your hand. "Today was an awful start."
"That's not true. You got me a grappling hook. And did I see a new trug?"
"Yeah. It's a little longer. Alfred mentioned needing more room for his lilies."
"He's going to love it."
Next Part
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foundtherightwords · 6 months ago
Text
Love, If You're Near
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Pairing: Michael (Hoard) x OFC
Summary: With a troubled past and a hopeless future, Gwen is just trying to survive on the streets of London. When she meets a man named Michael with a rather strange request, she shrugs and goes along with it, never dreaming that she will find a soul just as broken as hers, or that sometimes broken pieces can fit together perfectly, to bring healing and hope when one least expects it.
Warnings: discussions of prostitution and domestic abuse
Word count: 6.8k
A/N: I've had this idea for Michael even before "Hoard" was released, and after watching the film, I was happy that it was still viable. I don't condone Michael's actions, but I can see where his desire for love and affection comes from, and I hope that after what happened with Maria, Michael could start his own journey of redemption and healing. It is what I based my idea on. I also took some inspiration from "Frankie and Johnny" (the 1991 movie with Michelle Pfeiffer and Al Pacino, not the song).
"Hoard" takes place in 1994, and this is about 4 years after that.
Also, big thanks to @wheels-of-despair for sending me a transcript of the movie. It's helped me tremendously in deciphering the East London dialogue!
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Gwen dropped down on a bench outside Dalston Junction Station, slipped her right shoe off her aching foot, and gingerly touched the raw red spot on the back of her heel, through her fishnet. "Cheap piece of shit," she grumbled. Except the shoes weren't exactly cheap. Twenty quid down the drain and they hurt like fuck, even after she'd tried every trick in the book to break them in. But her last pair had broken beyond repair, so it was either this or go barefoot, and she didn't want to step on broken needles and used condoms and whatever garbage that littered the backstreets of Hackney. Plus it was freezing. She'd met a stag do the previous night, and they had kept her out until the morning, eventually straining her all the way over in Chiswick. It was almost noon by the time she crawled back to her flat. It was too cold to sleep in, so she'd whiled away the day in coffee shops and pubs, waiting until it was time to go back out on the street. At this rate, she would take a five-quid blowjob in a car if it meant getting somewhere warm.
Across the street, the Hackney Carnival Mural shouted at her with its peeling musicians and protestors waving their "Unite for Peace" banners. Gwen turned away, annoyed. Idiots. What good is peace, when one is cold and tired and doesn't even have a decent pair of shoes?
It was almost Christmas, and a slow night. The nights had been slow for a while now, not like when she first started. Ten years on the streets, she thought she'd known how it worked. Then three years in the clink, and when she got out, it was like Brave New World out here. Foreign girls flooded the market. The pimps and the punters liked them because they were younger and easier to control, but the local girls knew that naïveté was just an act. These newcomers were tougher and meaner, and they wouldn't hesitate to pull a knife on those that dared to encroach on their territory. That was if they were still on the streets in the first place. It was all indoors now, and they didn't even have to rely on the old tart-card-in-phone-box method of advertisement. The Internet had that covered.
Gwen readjusted her long blonde wig and sighed. Sometimes she felt much older than her thirty-one years.
She put her shoe back on with a grimace. Perhaps she could try her luck up the road, near the Shacklewell Arms. Her friend Medusa worked that corner, and sometimes she would let Gwen stay with her so they could team up against the new girls.
Medusa's real name was Melissa, but all girls needed some exotic street names. For Halloween one year, back when they were both younger and sillier and full of hope, Gwen had even helped her attach plastic snake's heads to her dreads, both giggling like mad.
Gwen took the backstreets to avoid the twinkling lights, the sound of Christmas music, and the scents of evergreen and cinnamon that spilled out from every door and shop window. They depressed her. Her feet would not thank her for the detour, but her heart would.
By the time she reached the Arms, she was sure her blister had burst and was bleeding. Some indie band had just finished their gig, and the front of the pub was crawling with people. Gwen peered into the crowd, trying to make out Medusa's statuesque form. As she spied Medusa's dreads swinging to and fro, Gwen opened her mouth to call her friend. Her eyes fell on the man next to Medusa, and the call died in her throat. It was Medusa's boyfriend and pimp, Nico.
Despite Medusa's insistence that Nico was "not that bad", Gwen knew better than to face him. At best, he would cajole her into coming to work for him, and at worst he would threaten and force her. Gwen knew what it was like to tie yourself to a man. Usually, she could chase Nico off with a few choice words, but in her current state, cold, exhausted, and irritated, she had no strength to deal with him. She beat a quick retreat.
And collided with someone.
It was a man coming out of one of the cheaper and seedier establishments that lined the back alleys behind Shacklewell Lane. "Excuse me," he mumbled.
"'s alright," Gwen said. And, because he was a man and she was working, she added, out of professional habit, "You looking for company?"
"No, thank you," the man said, a little too quickly, and started to walk away. A few steps, then he seemed to have second thoughts and turned back. "How much?" he asked.
Gwen gave him the once-over. He was probably in his mid-thirties, medium built, dressed in old jeans, an older jumper, and sturdy boots. A working man, then, not a tourist or an out-of-towner looking for some cheap thrills. Not her ideal client, but beggars cannot be choosers.
She told him her hourly rate. "Forty quid and I'll do whatever you want, darling." It wasn't high, all things considered, but it wasn't cheap either. She had her dignity.
The man shook his head. "That's—that's out of my—sorry." He turned away again.
Gwen slumped against a brick wall with a sigh. Maybe she should call it a night. The prospect of her cold flat with its empty fridge was not very welcoming though. Maybe she could find Medusa again. She was desperate enough to even risk Nico.
As she struggled to her feet, she staggered backward and collided, for the second time that night, with someone. This time it was a little girl who was coming out of a doorway with her mother. The girl was holding to the hem of her mother's coat with one hand and in the other was a teddy, which she dropped to the ground.
"Sorry," Gwen said. She quickly picked up the teddy, dusted it off, and handed it to the girl with a smile. "Here you go, love."
The girl stared back at Gwen with enormous eyes but said nothing and made no move to take her teddy. The mother snatched the toy back. "Why don't you watch where you're going, you slag!" she snarled. "And stay away from my kid."
"You watch where you're going!" Gwen spat. "What are you doing, dragging a kid out on the street this late anyway? She should be in bed!"
The mother's nostrils flared. "Don't tell me how to raise my own kid! What does a slut like you know about being a mother?" With that, she snatched the kid up in her arms and stormed off. Swallowing her anger, Gwen walked away in the opposite direction.
A moment later, a wail from the little girl caused Gwen to turn back, just in time to see the woman yank the teddy out of her hand and toss it into the nearest bin.
An inexplicable fury prompted Gwen to chase after them despite her blister, not even knowing what she would do if she caught them, but the woman turned down a side street and disappeared. Only the teddy stared up at Gwen from the bin with a rather mournful look, or so she imagined.
She picked it up and straightened up the bowtie around its neck. "I know more about being a mother than that bitch," she said to the teddy, and, without knowing why, she put it in her bag.
Feeling eyes on her, she looked up to see the man who had rejected her still standing at the mouth of the alley, watching her with a strange expression. Something in his dark eyes made blood rush to her cheeks, and she growled, "What the fuck are you looking at?"
He approached her slowly. "Forty an hour, you say?"
She stood up a little straighter. "Yeah."
"And you'll do whatever I want?"
"Within reasons," she said warily.
"Where can we go?"
"You have a car?" He shook his head. "Well, then that depends on what you have in mind," she said. "Even an alleyway would do, though I have to tell you, I'm not keen on getting any more blisters tonight." He colored slightly, and Gwen found herself wondering if this was his first time. She glanced at his hand. No ring. But then again, this type always takes care to leave their ring at home, don't they?
"My flat's not far from here," he said. "Do you mind—?"
Gwen hesitated. She made it a point never to go with a customer to a place she was unfamiliar with. Too risky. But she was cold and tired and just wanted to get this done.
She scrutinized the man, more carefully this time. He had dark hair pushed away from his forehead in soft curls, and a face that, had she been feeling better, she would have found quite handsome. What really struck her, though, were his eyes. They were dark and large, fringed by ridiculously long lashes, which made him look almost boyish. Gwen, who had to rely on false lashes and mascara to get such a doe-eyed look, stared at those lashes enviously. Noticing her scrutiny, he glanced at her briefly and looked away again. That shy, beseeching look finally cinched it for her.
"Alright," she said. "But cash up front."
"Fair enough." He opened his wallet and handed her some crumpled fivers and a tenner. Gwen counted them carefully before stuffing them into her bag. She also checked that her pepper spray was still in her bag—no matter how unassuming the man looked, or how sad his eyes were, she had to be careful. Technically, it was illegal to carry pepper spray, but Gwen never let a small thing like legality stop her.
Her fingers brushed across a little card, and Gwen paused momentarily. She'd been given that card by a group of women who roamed the area in twos and threes, who might be mistaken for working girls at first glance. She supposed that was their disguise. They were a non-profit helping to get women off the streets, they said. Give us a call anytime, they said. Gwen had scoffed at their optimism, yet for some reason, she still held on to their card. 
"What's your name?" the man asked.
"What do you want it to be?" she said, again out of habit, too tired to actually be coquettish. The man raised his eyebrows at her, and Gwen relented. "You can call me Queenie." Medusa wasn't the only girl with a ridiculous street name.
She didn't ask his name. She didn't care.
They went down Shacklewell Lane, away from the bright lights and loud noises of the Arms, crossed the A10, and through some side street lined with terraced houses. Then the houses gave way to chippies, greasy spoons, Laundromats, and off-licenses. Gwen was whimpering by the time they reached a block of council flats, its brown brick façade the color of dry blood under the dim streetlamps.
"You all right?" the man asked, glancing at her.
"How far up?" Gwen managed, looking up at the looming building, trying to calculate how quickly she could run out of there, if necessary.
"Fifth floor."
She let out an involuntary groan. The man looked at her for a moment. And then, before she realized what he was doing, he scooped her up in his arms in one smooth movement and carried her up the stairs, bridal style.
"Do you mind?!" she protested. The man said nothing, only kept walking.
Gwen tried to wriggle out, but she was too tired and his arms were too strong, and after a moment, she gave up and leaned her head against his shoulder. He smelled, not unpleasantly, of soap and sweat and rollies, and she found herself pressing her nose into the crook of his neck, breathing in his human scent, to purge from her memories the stench of piss and stale beer and rubbish that had assaulted her all through the night.
For all his strength, the man was panting a little by the time they arrived at his door. He set Gwen down on her feet and fumbled with the lock. The moment they were through the door, she collapsed on the nearest available surface, which happened to be an old, rather threadbare sofa, and pulled her shoes off.
"Take it from me," she said. "Never wear heels."
He seemed amused. "OK, I won't." He went about flipping on the lights. "Do you want some Epsom salt for that?"
"Nah, I've had worse."
The man disappeared behind a door down the hall—the bathroom, she supposed—and emerged a second later with a plaster. He then knelt in front of her, rolled down her right stocking and lifted her foot into his lap, not in a sensual or seductive way, but rather matter-of-factly, and stuck the plaster on her heel, like a parent cleaning up a child's skinned knee. This done, he pulled out the sofa and made a bed on it, still in that same matter-of-fact manner.
Something rolled out from under the sofa—a piece of Lego. Gwen's eyebrow went up. Following her eyes, the man saw the Lego as well and turned red. He quickly kicked it back under the sofa and went on making the bed as if nothing had happened. Well, if he wasn't going to say anything, then she certainly wouldn't either.
"Right," she said, rolling down her other stocking. "Let's get started, shall we?"
He turned toward her, looking alarmed. "No, no, no," he said and put his hand over Gwen's, stopping her. "Clothes on, please."
Gwen tilted her head. It wasn't the first time she'd been asked to keep her clothes on, though it was rare enough that it still came as a surprise. She wasn't keen on having her dress all wrinkled and stained. It would be a nightmare to get it clean. But she pulled her fishnets back up anyway
The man sat down next to her on the sofa bed, sheepishly avoiding her eyes. "I'm Michael, by the way," he said.
"Nice to meet you, Michael," Gwen said, because that's what one is supposed to say when someone introduces themselves.
"Would you like something to drink? Cup of tea?"
If he'd offered her some wine or whiskey or even beer, she might have accepted, but tea was probably the least erotic drink Gwen could think of. "No, thanks," she said. She didn't trust him not to slip her a Mickey—hey, Mickey and Michael, that's rich, she thought, chuckling to herself. When Michael didn't say anything, she reminded him, "You only paid me for an hour."
"Could you—" he began, looking down at a spot on the scuffed floor. "Would you mind—could you just hold me?"
Is that it? Gwen had to stop herself from grinning. This really was his first time then, poor lamb. She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around him. "Like this?" she whispered into his ear. Michael nodded and eased them both down on the bed until they were spooning, with her behind him, so she couldn't see his eyes. "What else do you want me to do?" she asked.
"Just this."
Gwen frowned. "What?"
"Just hold me like this, please."
She sat up to look at him properly. He was lying on his side with his eyes open, staring not at her but at something or somewhere else, miles away.
"You're not going to make me put a giant diaper on you and breastfeed you, are you?" Medusa had once met a punter with that request. It had been part of the reason why she'd decided to work for Nico, so she could avoid another awkward situation like that, though, in Gwen's mind, it was rather like out of the frying pan and into the fire.
Michael turned to her. "What?"
"You don't want to tie me up, and you don't want me to tie you up?"
"No."
"You don't even want to have sex?"
He blushed again. "No."
"So let me get this straight," she said. "You're paying me forty quid to—spoon you?"
"Yeah." He sat up as well. "Look, if you're not comfortable with it, I understand. I'll pay you for your time, and then you can go."
She considered. As far as requests went, it was an odd one, but certainly not the strangest she'd had. And it sounded innocent enough—perhaps the most innocent of all. Still, she would not be lulled into a sense of safety. She pulled her bag a little closer to make sure she could reach inside and get the pepper spray if necessary. Her shoes would be a write-off—she could run faster barefoot anyway.
"Just—hold you?" she asked again, wanting to make sure. "For an hour?"
He looked up at her with those dark eyes, imploring, infinitely sad, like those of a lost child or a dying animal, and Gwen felt her heart stumble. "Yes, please," he said.
"I'm not charging you the full rate just for a bit of cuddle!"
"It's OK, really. I don't mind."
"I do," she insisted. "It's about being professional. What do you do for a living?"
He seemed taken aback by her question, but he answered anyway. "I'm a cleaner. At St. Mary's Hospital." He was quiet for a moment, then added, "Used to be a bin man. But I couldn't take the stink anymore."
Something in the way he said it made Gwen think that there were other reasons besides the stink for him to give up being a bin man, but it was none of her business. "You wouldn't take the full wage for cleaning half the hospital, would you?" she asked.
Something like a smile crinkled the corners of his eyes. "I guess not."
"OK, so let's say twenty an hour, and we have a deal."
A moment's hesitation, and he extended a hand. They shook on it. His hand was warm, his grip strong and steady, and Gwen wondered why such a man could be so alone, and so lonely.
She made to give him back the twenty quid, but he pushed her hand away. "Keep it. I may ask you to stay longer."
"All right," she said, tucking the bills into her bra. "No funny business, mind."
"No."
She lay back down and put one arm around him again, leaving the other free so he couldn't easily pin her under him. "Is this OK?" she asked.
"It's fine," he said. "You don't have to do anything. Just—be natural."
Natural. Gwen wasn't even sure if she remembered how to be natural in bed anymore. She knew how to be enthusiastic, how to be dominant or submissive, how to be seductive, even how to be afraid. But natural? She no longer knew what that meant.  
The minutes ticked by.
While they lay there, Gwen let her eyes wander around, trying to find some clues that might point to danger. She saw a sparsely furnished flat, similar to her own. There were only the sofa bed, a coffee table, and a TV taking up the front room, a kitchenette to the side, and two closed doors, one leading to the bathroom, the other she had no idea. She saw more evidence of a kid—childish drawings on the fridge door, a small toothbrush, a bowl of half-eaten cereal on the coffee table. If he had a kid, she certainly hoped the kid wasn't locked in that spare room.
Her wandering eyes returned to Michael. He had taken his jumper off and was now in a vest. There was a tattoo on his bicep. "Who's Billy?" she asked.
"Mate of mine, from school," he said in a small voice. "He OD'ed."
"Shit," she said. And then, "I'm sorry."
"It's all right." His hand found hers, clasped it to his chest.
"What are you doing?" she asked, pulling away.
"Sorry," he said quickly. "Your hand's cold. I was just trying to warm it up."
"I would've worn a coat, but unfortunately it doesn't go with this outfit," she joked. Her only warm coat would've covered up what she was trying to sell. She left her hand in his, feeling the heavy thump of his heart under her palm. He nestled into her with a sigh, but she remained stiff, keeping some distance between her chest and his back, so she could bolt at the first sign of danger.
But it never came. Instead, his breath evened out, and soon he was asleep.
Gwen must have dozed off as well, for she remembered jolting awake. Michael was still sleeping, holding her hand to his chest as if afraid she would fly off if he let go.
This could be her chance. After making sure Michael was sound asleep, Gwen carefully slid her hand out of his grasp, got out of bed, and tiptoed down the hall. She opened two closed doors. One was a bathroom, just as she suspected. The other was a bedroom, a kid's bedroom, painted in bright, buttery yellow, with a frilly little bed and cheerful toys and books piled on the shelves, a complete contrast to the sad, gray flat outside.
Gwen's feet took her into the room almost of their own volition. She gazed about, a strange melancholy washing over her. No, there wasn't anything strange about this sadness. She knew exactly where it was coming from; she just didn't want to think about it.
There was a framed photo on the bedside table, and she picked it up—it was of Michael, smiling a big, happy smile, carrying on his shoulder a little girl of about two or three years old, who had his same brown curls and his chocolate button eyes.
"What are you doing?" said his voice behind her.
She jumped and dropped the picture, which landed safely on the bed.
"Sorry," she said, fumbling to pick up the frame. "I was looking for the—uh, bathroom. I didn't mean to snoop."
"It's OK." He didn't look angry, only a little awkward, like she had stumbled on an embarrassing secret. It emboldened her.
"This your kid's room?" she asked.
"Yeah." He took the picture frame from her and set it back on the table. "She lives with her mum. I only have her on weekends and when her mum has to work nights, but I try to keep the room nice and clean for her," he explained.
Gwen let out a small breath and reminded herself to stop watching so much The Bill. From the way he had been so secretive about it, she was expecting something tragic. She was glad it wasn't.
"That her?" She nodded at the picture.
A ghost of a proud smile hovered over Michael's lips. "Her name's Amelia."
"Pretty name. Suits her."
"Don't let that face fool you, she's a little terror."
"How old is she?"
"Turning four soon."
"Oh, that's a great age," Gwen said without thinking. "That's when you can start to have a real conversation with them, and it's so fun."
"It is." Michael looked at her sharply. "Have you got a kid?"
For a moment, Gwen considered telling him the truth. It felt so nice, so normal, to talk in that cheery little room, as if sunshine had been stored in its bright yellow paint and the warmth of it was seeping into her, chasing away the cold of those long, lonely nights out on the street. She wanted to hold on to that feeling a little longer.
But she was here to work, not to have a heart-to-heart like she was on some bloody chat show.
"No," she lied.
"Because you sound like you know kids," he said.
Anger pricked at Gwen's insides. Who did this punter think he was?
"It's none of your business," she snapped. Michael continued to stare at her, and the intensity of his eyes forced her to look away. The flat was closing in on her, suffocating her, like her old prison cell. She couldn't breathe. She had to get out of here, get away from this strange man whose eyes seemed to penetrate her very soul.
She grabbed her bag. "I have to go."
Michael glanced at the clock on the wall, surprised. "But I paid you for two hours."
"Here." She tossed the money on the bed, picked up her shoes, and all but ran. He caught her at the door.
"What did I do?" he asked.
"Nothing. I just have to go."
"Don't do this," he said, clutching at her arm like a child afraid of being separated from its mother. "Don't leave. Please." The pleading note in his voice now sounded more like a command. That voice, the hard grip of his hand, and the dark glint in his eyes awoke something savage within Gwen, a cold fury she hadn't felt in years.
"Let me go," she said quietly, "or I'll kill you."
He dropped her arm in an instant. "I'm sorry," he muttered, his eyes glistening with what looked like tears. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you—I just don't know how to—"
As suddenly as it appeared, Gwen's anger vanished. She couldn't afford to lose her temper like that.
"It's fine," she said. "Just let me—"
Before she could finish, there was a knock on the door. "Michael?" said a voice on the other side. "You in?" A woman's voice.
Michael turned to Gwen, his eyes enormous on his pale face. "Hide," he mouthed to her.
A part of Gwen wanted to be defiant and face whoever was at the door—a wife? A girlfriend?—so she could watch Michael squirm, but another part of her took pity on his panic. Rolling her eyes, she made her way into the bedroom and shut the door behind her.
"Leah," she heard Michael say, as he opened the front door. "What's wrong? Is Amelia all right?"
Peeking through a crack of the bedroom door, Gwen saw a woman standing in the doorway. She had auburn hair pulled into a tight bun and a scowling, disapproving expression that seemed terminal. A little girl was asleep in her arms.
These must be his ex and their daughter then. Gwen retreated into the shadow of the room, feeling strangely embarrassed, like she had intruded on an intimate scene. In some way, she had.
"She's fine," Leah said, and Michael let out a breath of relief. "It's my mum," Leah continued, looking harried. "She's had a fall. I have to go to Cardiff to see her. Don't know when I'll be back, so I can't take Amelia with me—" She looked around the flat, her eyes narrowing as they landed on the bills scattered on the sofa bed. Michael looked away, his cheeks flushed. "Is this a bad time?" Leah asked.
"No, not at all," Michael said quickly. "I'll take her. Call me when you get to Cardiff and let me know how your mum is."
With a curt nod, Leah handed their daughter over. She brushed a curl away from the sleeping child's forehead and went downstairs, but not before throwing another suspicious look over her shoulder.
Gwen waited for another moment or two until the coast was clear, and emerged from the bedroom. Michael, with his arms full of a sleeping toddler, gave her an apologetic look.
"Well, I'll be off then," Gwen said, trying not to show how the sight of the little girl was affecting her.
Michael hesitated. "Listen," he said. He tried to take her hand, but his arms were too full to reach. "You don't have to run off like that. I'm sorry about earlier. Stay for a bit. It's cold out."
"I'll be fine," Gwen said lightly. "And you're busy. I should go." At the door, she paused. "Good luck, Michael."
At that moment, Amelia lifted her head from her father's shoulder. "Daddy?" she said, her voice thick with sleep.
"Hey there, sleepyhead," Michael said, and the tenderness in his voice made Gwen want to cry. She knew she should be going now, but some invisible force was rooting her to the spot, making her watch Michael with his daughter as if hypnotized. "Mum has to go to Grandma's," he was saying, "so you're staying with me for a bit. Is that all right?"
The little girl rubbed her eyes with a chubby fist. "Where's Snappy?" she said.
Michael looked around. He patted the pockets of Amelia's coat and came up empty. "You don't have him with you?" The girl shook her head. "You must have forgotten him at home then."
"I want him."
"We'll get him when Mum comes back—"
"I want him now!" Amelia demanded. She no longer sounded sleepy.
Michael gave Gwen an exasperated look over his daughter's head. Despite the twist of pain in her heart, Gwen couldn't help but grin back in rueful sympathy.
"What's Snappy?" she whispered to Michael.
"Her crocodile." Turning to Amelia, he said, "Don't worry, Snappy will be fine—"
But Amelia was not having it. "No!" she shouted. "I want Snappy! I'm not going without Snappy! Give me Snappy!"
"Let's just go to bed first, and then I'll find Snappy for you, yeah?"
"No! I don't want to stay here without Snappy!" The little girl started kicking and wriggling to get out of Michael's arms, and there was a shrill note in her voice that Gwen knew well would be followed by a tantrum. Wincing, Michael set Amelia down on the floor. The little girl pushed at her father, shouting, "I want Snappy!"
"Hey, hey, stop," Michael gently admonished her. "I don't have a key to Mum's place, so we can't get in. You have a lot of toys here—"
"I don't wanna stay here! I wanna go home! I want Mum!"
At that, something seemed to break within Michael. Without saying a word, he dropped Amelia on the sofa bed and went over to the kitchenette, where he plopped down at the table with his head in his hands. All the while, Amelia kept crying for Snappy.
Gwen looked between the despondent father and the wailing toddler. None of this had to do with her. She did not need to get involved. She should leave now.
She didn't leave.
She sat down in front of Amelia, who continued to sniff and snuffle. The violence of her tantrum seemed to have passed into a sulk.
"Hi," Gwen said. "You're Amelia, right?"
The little girl wiped a sleeve across her runny nose. "Who're you?" she asked.
Gwen glanced at Michael. He was still sitting with his head in his hands. Odd, that. Why was he acting like a tantrum was the end of the world? "My name's Gwen," she said. Michael raised her head at this, but made no comment. "I'm—I'm a friend of your dad's. Amelia's a very pretty name. Have you ever heard of Princess Amelia?"
At the mention of a princess, the girl's large brown eyes, so like her father's, widened in interest. "Who's she?"
"She was the youngest daughter of King George III. She was very nice and kind. Her father loved her very much, and so did her mother and her brothers and sisters." Gwen paused. Perhaps she shouldn't mention that it was Princess Amelia's death that drove her poor father to madness. "And there's also Amelia Earhart," she said. "She was the first woman to fly across the Atlantic." Again, Gwen paused when she remembered that Ms. Earhart disappeared while trying to fly around the globe. She looked at Michael to see if he'd noticed her bungled attempt to cheer his daughter up. He was still at the table, watching her with an inscrutable expression, just as he had when they first met in the alley. She cleared her throat and returned her attention to Amelia. "Now, can you be kind like Princess Amelia and brave like Amelia Earhart?"
Hesitantly, the little girl nodded. Gwen smiled. "Good. Tell me about Snappy then."
Amelia's little mouth screwed up, and she blinked rapidly, threatening tears again. "He's—m-my croc-crocodile," she hiccupped. "He's gold and has black teeth and he's very scary and he protects me."
"Ah, so that's why he has to stay home then," said Gwen, as if she'd just made a great discovery. "He has to keep it safe for when you and your mum come back."
"Really?"
"Yes. He knows you'll be perfectly safe here with your dad. And"—here Gwen pulled out the teddy from her bag and handed it to Amelia—"in case you're feeling lonely, here's Teddy. He may not be as scary as Snappy, but he can keep you company until you see Snappy again, all right?"
Amelia took the teddy, turned it this way and that, and held it experimentally. Finally, satisfied that the teddy was safe, she hugged it to her chest and smiled at Gwen through her tears.
"Now there's a great big smile," Gwen said, smiling back and giving the girl's nose a little bop.
"My dad always says my smile's as big as Christmas," said Amelia.
"And he's right."
As if on cue, Michael appeared next to them. He nodded at Gwen gratefully and took Amelia into her room.
Gwen was still sitting on the sofa bed when he came out a few minutes later and sat down next to her. "You're really good with her," he said.
"So are you."
"No, I'm not. You heard what she said. She didn't even want to stay with me."
"Michael, she's four," Gwen said. "She's knackered. A four-year-old would say they hate you one minute, then turn around and kiss you the next. That's what they do."
"How do you know?"
Gwen rubbed a hand across her eyes. Amelia wasn't the only one who was tired. Gwen felt like she could lie down and sleep for a thousand years. "I lied earlier," she said. "I do have a kid. Her name's Emma. She's six—no, seven now."
Michael tilted his head, looking at her more closely. "Where is she?"
"She lives with a foster family in Croydon. I haven't seen her in three years." The foster mum sent photos, and Gwen tried to call when she could, but it wasn't the same. "Sometimes I'm afraid she's forgotten me."
"Why can't you see her?"
Gwen didn't answer. It was a wound she wasn't ready to open yet.
Michael went back to the kitchen and fiddled about with the kettle. He came back a moment later with two steaming cups, and handed Gwen one. It reminded her of the tea she used to make for herself as a kid, too sweet and milky for her liking now, but she said nothing. They sat sipping their tea in companionable silence.
"Do you believe some people just can't be loved?" Michael asked.
"What?"
"Some people always seem to end up alone. It's like they can't be loved."
Gwen took a moment to answer. The punters all liked to talk. They would complain to her about their jobs, their wives, their girlfriends, their mothers. She could hear Medusa now, telling her, "We're like trick cyclists, darling"—Medusa was not Cockney, but she'd heard that slang for "psychiatrist" on The Bill or EastEnders and liked to slip it into her talk because she thought it made her sound cool—"except we're cheaper and they get some sex on top of that." So when a customer talked, Gwen would just nod absently and say "Is that so?" while thinking of something else.
Now, having been brought closer by the talk of their kids, she asked Michael, "Why do you think that?"
"Everybody in my life is gone," he said, his voice bleak. "My parents—well, they weren't fit to be parents, really. I lost count of how many foster homes I lived in. None of them wanted me. My brother took me in, but then he moved to Australia with his wife and kids. Maybe it's my fault." His head drooped. "I met someone once. I loved her. Or I thought I did. But I fucked it up. I didn't see what she was going through, and I made it worse."
"Was it Amelia's mum?"
"No." He sighed. "But I fucked it up with her as well. She's too good for me. They're all too good for me."
"Is that why you hired me?" Gwen asked before she could stop herself. Michael turned to her, and the look in his eyes went through her heart like a pin. It was the same look he'd given her when they first met, so lost and vulnerable, the look of a lifetime of hurt and loneliness. Now she understood why she had been so taken by it. It was a look she knew well, for she had seen it plenty of times when she looked into the mirror.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean—"
She shrugged. "It's alright. I'm used to that."
He put a tentative hand over hers and closed his fingers around it. "Thank you, Gwen," he said. "Thank you for being here. Thank you for helping me with Amelia."
"Hey, my pleasure." She grinned. "She's a good kid."
"I was frightened to death when she was born, you know," Michael said. "I didn't know what to do. I still don't. What if I fuck it up like I fuck up everything else in my life?"
Gwen squeezed his hand. Finally she understood his despair earlier, just as she had understood his loneliness; understood it because she saw it in herself.
"Want to know why I went to prison?" she asked. "Why I haven't seen my daughter?"
He looked at her, not with morbid curiosity as most people did when they learned she'd been to prison, but with interest and sympathy. She pulled off her blonde wig, and, turning her head, spread her mousy brown hair over her ear to show him the ragged scar just above it, which the hair couldn't quite cover.
"Her father, my piece-of-shit boyfriend—he gave me that," she said. "And worse. Then one time, he pushed me too hard. I pushed back. He hit his head on the kitchen counter." Her voice trembled. It was the first time she spoke of this in three years. She steadied herself, and continued, "I could've called an ambulance, but I didn't. I just stood there and watched him die. Got me three years for that. Involuntary manslaughter." She lifted her eyes to Michael's face. "Think you can fuck up your kid's life worse than I did?" she asked. She tried to laugh and began to cry.
Michael reached out and drew her to him until she was in his arms with her head on his shoulder, just like how he'd held Amelia. He said nothing, but in his embrace, she could feel her fears quiet down, if not fade away entirely. She thought of Emma, and herself, of Amelia, and Michael, of the frightened child inside all of them, waiting only for someone to reach out and hold them and tell them that it's going to be all right.
She buried her nose in Michael's neck, taking in his scent of soap and sweat and smoke, and let out a breath she had been holding for three years, or perhaps even longer. "This is nice," she said. "I can see why you'd pay for this."
Michael's shoulders and chest rumbled pleasantly with laughter, and Gwen smiled as well.
"Can I see you again?" he asked.
Her smile faltered. Somehow, his question made her sad. It brought her crashing back to reality, a reality in which she would have to go back out on the street soon, back to the cold and the loneliness and the emptiness.
But professional habit won out in the end, and she didn't even sigh as she gave him the answer she'd always used with all her customers, "You know where to find me."
"No, not as Queenie," he said. "I want to see you again as Gwen. And without the wig. Can I?"
She lifted her head to look at him. He didn't let go, only slid his hand up her shoulder and her neck to cradle her cheek. As the warmth of his gaze and the tenderness of his caress enveloped her, Gwen made a decision.
Tomorrow, she would go and buy Emma a Christmas present. And bring it to her in person.
Tomorrow, she would ring that number on the card of the non-profit group.
But today, tonight, she would stop running away.
"Yes," she told Michael. "Yes, you can."
THE END
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Yes, "Snappy" is the crocodile that Maria gave to Leah.
And of course, it wouldn't be my fic without a Snow Patrol song to accompany it (the title comes from the first line of lyric):
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sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts · 10 months ago
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ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴍɪꜱꜱ ᴘɪᴘᴇᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ (J.M)
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*vision bored doesn't describe readers' looks it describes the vibes of the story*
Pairing: football-player!Joel Miller x golden-girl!Fem!Reader
POV: This story is told through the POV of high school senior Joel Miller
Summary: Joel's girl lives in his dreams and in the house next door. He's always known her, and he's always wanted her, but in ApplePine, whose dream does she not haunt? Now He has a chance that He's been looking forward to all his life. This can't fail. He won't let someone like her slip away.
Warnings/tags: Kind of toxic undertones, mentions of a bad home life (reader), church, idolization, nerves, kissing and making out, small Texas town with very traditional values, climbing and watching people through windows, Joel is a Lil bit of a stalker, BAD American football talk. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT YOU CONSUME
WC: 4.5k
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On most Saturdays and after church on Sundays, she could be found working at the local ice cream shop. Occasionally, if there wasn't a football game, she would also work on Fridays. She was a well-known figure in our small town - being the girl next door, head cheerleader, and leading member of the student council. Her many accomplishments included winning the title of Little Miss Apple Pine, which only added to her popularity. Many of us admired her from afar, watching her ride her bike with friends, interact with the little kids in the neighborhood, or simply be in her element with a book in hand and a Walkman playing some music.
It was difficult to tell what music she listened to, but I'd like to think it was hard rock, maybe Guns N' Roses. However, her sweet nature suggested it was more likely to be Bon Jovi or AC/DC. Despite her bright persona, we all knew that she had a tough time at home, our houses were right next to each other too It was sad but there's only so much a loud TV can cover.
We attend the same school and ride the same bus together. We have chemistry class as well as lunch B together. Additionally, we share gym and math classes. I have noticed that she is quieter in math class and doesn't answer questions as quickly. In math class, she sits three seats ahead of me, and during lunch, she sits six seats away from me. Her round lunch table is located ten tables away from mine, and it's always occupied by a few cheerleaders and jocks who are considered acceptable, unlike me who often gets thrown off the field for hitting refs because of not knowing if  I'm coming or going. Compared to them, she seems to be in another world, like a cool autumn day in the middle of a hot Texas summer.
As the chemistry class began, Mr. McMory walked into the classroom with his glasses resting on the tip of his nose. He had only undone the top button of his shirt, showing some long curly grey chest hairs — utterly gross if you ask me. We all watched as he walked to the whiteboard at the front of the classroom. He clasped his hands together behind his back and stopped before turning to face the class.
"Now, as most of you probably know, we will need to form a new set of lab partners for this semester. However, to keep things fair so everyone gets a chance of getting matched with whom You would prefer, I've decided to have you all write your names on a small piece of paper and put them in this box. Once I've finished passing them out, I will draw two student names from the box at random, and those two will be your partners for this semester."
Without having to pause, Mr. McMory spoke clearly. This routine was something he did every marking period, four times a year, for 30 years. The memories of the previous marking period memories flooded my mind, where Jason Duly and Billy Holiday tried to bribe Gaby Michelle to give up her seat so that they could sit next to our classmate, the charming "I trust that you all understand the process now?" Mr. McMory continued. Once no one raised their hands to question what he said, he walked back to the front and handed out the small pieces of paper to everyone. "Now you have two minutes to write your names on the paper, then place it into the box. Once you are all finished, I will begin the randomized selection."
Chaos began to take place across the room with various bets being placed and trades being arranged like a market in the middle of a jungle, I wrote my name on the slip of paper without a thought. It was a meaningless task to me, as I would have been fine with getting anyone as my lab partner. In the middle sat our Pipe Dream, seemingly clueless to it all, while these students scrambled like mad to gain the favor of their desired partners, and the professor seemed unaware of all the action taking place in the classroom.
The chaos of the class was suddenly drowned out by Mr. McMory yelling out to have students start putting their slips into the box. As the box was quickly getting more and more full, the class started to become more and more silent and calm as no one wanted to be one of the ones not getting the partner they wanted even if they all wanted the same one our darling Miss pipedream isn't only perfect in every way but she's also incredibly smart.
Mr. McMory walked to the front of the classroom and stood in front of the whiteboard. He held the box and a red whiteboard marker. "No changing partners unless both parties are in agreement," he said as he paused and placed the box on a stool in front of him. He then pulled out the first two names. "Gaby and Hannah," he announced, causing a small gasp from some students. Mr. McMory placed the paper down and wrote the names on the board. There was a moment of silence before a low murmur began to spread throughout the classroom Mr. McMory then pulled out another two slips from the box and announced the next pairs of names: "Billy and Jillian, Jason and Cory." As each pair was announced, the two people were immediately surrounded by cheers of excitement or groans of disappointment. Some students could be overheard saying things like "no way!" and "I can't believe this!" and "Are we sure it's fair?" There were a few complaints here and there that their partner was not who they wanted, but Mr. McMory quickly cut them off, saying, "No changing partners unless both parties are in agreement, understood?"
As I stood watching the chaos break loose behind me, I couldn't help but chuckle at how quickly everything was unfolding. However, my laughter came to a sudden halt when Mr. McMory announced me and a stranger as partners.No, not a stranger, It was the girl who seemed to have it all, the girl who had effortlessly made her way through every aspect of the school and had become something of a legend. She was the girl next door, the one every boy wanted, and the only one I was enamored with at the slightest glance in her direction. My heart skipped a beat as I looked over the crowd and saw her smiling brightly at me. Time seemed to slow down as the rest of the world faded away. It was as if the universe was just waiting for us to get to know each other. My nervousness quickly turned into an adrenaline rush as I became more and more excited. It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up, a chance to turn my dreams into reality and finally figure her out.
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On the bus, I noticed her again. We made eye contact but didn't speak. She sat with her friend Sally Handson until she got off at her stop. However, I didn't expect her to move over and sit in the same seat as me.
"You're Joel, right?" she asked me before kindly offering her hand to shake.
"That's me," I smiled as I gently took her hand in mine and shook it. Our skin connected, and I felt a slight tremor in my hand before letting go, not wanting to make the situation any more awkward. I looked back up to see her, and she seemed to be just as nervous as I felt. The silence seemed to linger on for a moment before she spoke again.
"I just wanted to ask if you've had a chance to look at the assignment yet?"
I took a moment to gather my thoughts before speaking. "No, actually, I'm not very good at chemistry. I was probably going to copy off of you, to tell you the truth," I said, trying to make a joke, but struggling to hide the fact that it was true.
She smiled brightly, showing off her pearly white teeth. "Like all football players. It's okay though, I can help you study sometime if you'd like?"
As she spoke, my heart skipped a beat and my cheeks flushed. The offer of her help flooded my mind with different scenarios, from spending time with her after school to studying together at the library or even hosting study groups at our houses. I chuckled nervously and nodded my head.
The sudden stop of the bus snapped me back to reality, and a thought raced through my mind. Should I ask to walk her home? The offer seemed so appealing, and I was filled with possibilities of getting to know her even better. It was time to take the chance, but I had to fight the nervousness building inside me.
"Hey, are you walking to your house? Because I was just going to ask if...if I could walk you home?" I spoke the words carefully, fearing that I might mess up and ruin the moment. I fiddled with the straps of my backpack, feeling my heart pound in my chest as I waited for her response.
She smiled kindly at me. "Yes, and I would love that. Do you know which house?"
"I do," I said with a slightly more confident tone than before. I felt myself calming down as the idea of walking home together became more real. She began to take in the neighborhood around us, and I thought it was a perfect time to start a conversation.
"So, this is where you live?"
She giggled, and her laughter was infectious. I couldn't help but smile. "Joel, you and I have lived in the same neighborhood since we were newborns. We're neighbors for goodness sake, no need to be so formal with me."
She was right; I was overthinking our interactions. We had been neighbors for as long as I could remember. "Oh yeah...I suppose you have a point. I guess my nervousness made me go blank like that. I'm just not used to seeing you when you're not out on the field with your cheer squad." I chuckled, feeling my nerves die down even more as I looked over at her and relaxed a bit more.
"I understand it's hard not to picture me like that, and you as well, Joel. You're violent on the field. I'm pretty sure that referee from Tentown had a broken nose," she tries to make conversation. 
The mention of the game in Tentown makes me chuckle a bit. That was the first game in the league where I was allowed to play, and I suppose my desire to prove myself ended with me getting a bit carried away. The thought of the ref's nose makes me chuckle a bit more as I couldn't help but feel bad for the ref. 
"Yeah, I think you're right about that. But that's just how it is, right? The game is pretty brutal. I can't play without getting a little carried away." 
She thinks for a second and then says, "Maybe that's why you're always benched, along with Tommy? Speaking of your brother, where is he? Oh, and how are poor freshmen? I heard the older football players are being a little mean."
The question about my benching for games suddenly brings back my nervous energy, and I immediately feel uncomfortable talking about it. "That's probably one of the reasons for it, yeah..." I sigh as the mention of my brother and some of the team's hazing of the freshman brings a frown to my face.
"It pisses me off how they treat some of the freshmen like that. I don't see why they can't just treat them like the rest of the team..." I pause mid-sentence as the thought comes to my mind.
"I feel so bad for the poor freshman. They do the same thing on the cheer team," she said. We stopped at the crossing signal, and I was surprised by how well she could relate to what I was describing. It dawned on me that she may have experienced it more than I had considering how involved she is in cheer. We waited for the light to turn green, and I smiled at her.
"We should set up a study date sometime soon. After all, you said you're not that good at chemistry?" she said as we got closer to her house. I was thrilled at the possibility of spending more time with her.
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I'll certainly need the help," I chuckled. She walked ahead of me with a sweet little glide in her step, making me have to catch up to her as we continued walking.
"Which days work for you?" she asked, opening her backpack and taking out a pen and paper. "Oh, and write down your landline number." I replied, "I'm pretty much free all week, so just let me know what works for you." Her request for my landline number made my heart skip a beat as it reminded me of when she offered to help me at her place.
"How about Friday after school since there's no game? We can meet at my place," she suggested as we stood outside her front gate. "That works great for me! We can discuss our study plans and maybe even study together if you're up for it," I replied excitedly. "Your place sounds perfect, and I just want to say thank you," I added, feeling grateful for her help. She smiled and said, "Of course, Joel." Then she walked into her yard and house, waving goodbye.
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Friday couldn't come any quicker in my mind. I couldn't get Miss Applepine, Cheery Pie, Pipe Dream out of my head at all. The more we talked in class, the more I fell under her spell and the more I wanted to know... She was a mystery, and I wanted to be the first to hear everything she was willing to tell.
now stand at her front door. I rang the doorbell eagerly waiting for her to answer. She opened the door; she looked so pretty. "Come on in, Joel," she opened the door to let me in. In all my years of being neighbors, I always wondered what her house looked like, and to be honest, her house is less organized than I thought.
"Sorry about the mess. You know, it's just me and my dad, and I'm a little behind on chores... um... studying," she began to ramble but stopped herself. It was rather cute; it made me smile even more.
"Come on upstairs to my room. I have all my books and everything up there," she led me up to her bedroom. It was so normal - band posters, photos of her family, school items, her numerous awards, and her window looked directly into my room.
As we entered her room, I couldn't resist glancing over to her window again. It felt like this was the closest I could get to seeing inside her home for A Long time and now I'm inside the looking glass. I took a seat right next to her bed as she went to her bookshelf to collect her textbooks. As we started reviewing the material, a wave of butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I occasionally stole a glance at her while she flipped through different articles, but I couldn't hold my stare for long.
"Are these all the books we're going to be using?" I asked as she placed her biology and chemistry books on her desk. I watched her lean over, her eyes almost glued to the books as she read through them. "Yeah, these are the ones. I just want to make sure that we're both prepared for this project. It's about how we think the universe began, so lots to cover" she replied with a soft smile that brought me back to reality for a moment as I gazed into her eyes.
"I'm ready to start studying. So, what do you want to start with?" she asked as I sat down. She looked at me with a sweet smile and thought for a moment before responding, "Do you think we should start with chemistry? I know it's the one you struggle with the most."
"Sure, that works," I replied excitedly she remembered that from the walk my cheeks got a little pink as I opened the book and looked over her shoulder to find the section she had mentioned. I was determined to pay close attention this time, feeling more relaxed thanks to her calm and collected presence.
Every little gesture or movement she made caught my full attention like a spark in my head. Her adorable smile and the way she played with her hair made it difficult to resist complimenting her. When she asked if she could ask me something, it snapped me out of my trance for a moment. I replied with a simple "Yeah, sure."
As she playfully hit my shoulder, her touch felt light as a feather. I couldn't help but smile, sitting up and crossing my legs like she was doing. Moving my book from my lap, I placed it on the end of her bed. "Why can't you focus?" she asked, and my heart started racing. I didn't want to tell her the truth, so I lied, "No reason..." Trying to act casual, I could feel myself blushing as she hit my shoulder and called me out. It was because of her - her sweet smile, small gestures, and the way she sat cross-legged on her bed - that I couldn't focus. But I couldn't just outright admit that I had a massive crush on her.
"We can take a break?" she offered, and I felt even more nervous. The idea of taking a break meant a chance to talk about things other than studying and a chance to just hang out with her. I was hoping that she felt the same way and that she also couldn't help but notice the tension that was building between us. I sat back up and joked, "You're saying that as if I would deny the offer." My heart was racing, and I couldn't help but wonder if she could feel the same tension I did.
As we continued to talk, I made sure to continue moving closer to her every chance that I could get. The heat coming from her body filled me with a new sense of boldness as I tried to make my actions more noticeable. "I mean who can blame me, when I'm sitting across from someone so charming..." I said as I leaned forward a little, making the distance between us almost nonexistent.
"Have you been studying for long?" she asked me as she laid back on her bed, making it clear that she had no plans to get up anytime soon. As the conversation shifted towards more flirtatious topics, I started to blush slightly. "Do you mean studying?..." I replied to her, but even I could hear that my voice had taken on a flirty tone.
"Yes, studying, or are you just as brain-dead as the other football players?" she joked. "Hey now, what are you implying?" I responded teasingly as I moved closer to her. As we talked more, the tone of the conversation became increasingly flirtatious, and I struggled to hold back my blush. "You're the one who keeps saying we should take a break. Sounds like you don't want to study..." I said, trying to pretend to focus on a book.
But even as we continued discussing the material or pretending to, I noticed her eyes drifting toward me as she glanced up and down my body. It made me feel a little uneasy, but also excited as I wondered what she was thinking. Could she feel the same tension between us that I felt?
"Hmmm, maybe I don't. But you're the one who said yes to the break." she grinned mischievously as I scooted slightly closer to her, looking up and staring into her eyes. "You make it kind of hard to pay attention..."
As we continued to talk The heat coming from her body filled me with a sense of boldness as I attempted to make my actions more noticeable. "I mean, who can blame me when I'm sitting across from someone so charming?" I said as I leaned forward a little, making the distance between us almost nonexistent.
"I'm flattered. I'll take that as a compliment since you're also very kind with your words," she said as I moved even closer to her. We were almost too close for comfort, but I couldn't resist getting even closer. "I thought I was charming, but you are even more charming than I imagined," I told her, leaning in even closer until I was practically touching her. I felt like I was crossing a line, but I couldn't help myself. Her eyes seemed to be blushing, and I felt a sudden burst of confidence. I brought my hand up to her side, almost touching her waist. "You are an interesting girl," I whispered.
"You find me interesting?" she asked, smiling shyly and looking down. I could tell she was blushing and feeling a little embarrassed, but I decided to take a risk and leaned in even closer. Our faces were almost touching, and I could feel her breath on my face. I looked up at her and felt a rush of emotions.
"I didn't know you were so easy to read," I said as I leaned even closer to her, this time the tiny distance between us was nothing but air. I couldn't help but feel that feeling building inside me again as I watched her face grow redder and redder as it appeared to be a little closer every time. "I'm sure most guys would be more than happy to take advantage of a beautiful girl like you.”
“Are you most guys? Should I be worried? I'm not a one-and-done girl, Joel…” she said, showing insecurity for what seems to be the first time. As she asked me if I was 'most guys', I couldn't help but feel my heart sink for a brief second as I heard her insecurity, but I quickly recovered and smiled as I looked down at her. My hands slowly wrapped around her waist as I leaned even closer. "Oh please, you think I'm going to leave someone as beautiful and kind as you just like that. You aren't a one-and-done girl, you're... you're an angel." I slowly leaned forward so our faces were just a hair's width apart. I gazed into her eyes, lost in the moment, when she suddenly exclaimed, "An Angel?" Her voice was soft, yet full of wonder, as if she had just seen something magical. She was so close to me that I could feel her breath on my face, and I couldn't help but notice the way her face immediately flushed up with red. Her eyes quickly looked down, as if to distract herself from her sudden burst of emotion.
I kept looking at her, waiting for her to look back up at me. I leaned down just a bit more, my heart racing with anticipation, as my lips were barely an inch from hers when she finally decided to look back up. I couldn't help but feel the surge of joy rushing through my body as I saw the way her eyes slowly opened and she looked back up to face me.
The way her cheeks were still flushed and the shy, but happy look on her face was exactly what I needed. It was the perfect moment as I leaned in for the kiss. Our lips met in a sweet and simple embrace, and I felt a warmth spread through my body. It was like time had stopped, and nothing else mattered in the world except for that moment. I held her close as we kissed, and I knew deep down inside that this was the start of something special.
The kiss started gentle but with each second that passed it started to become more intense. The heat of her body and the way her hands ran through my hair was making my heart skip a few beats as I started to wish I could pull her into an even deeper kiss. I didn't want to overwhelm her though so I tried to keep it simple, although it was hard to keep my hands from finding every part of her body that I could. She's not someone who wants a one-time thing and I'll do everything I can to make sure she doesn't think all I want is sex.
We disengaged when we heard her front door slam shut. "That's my dad!" she exclaimed, her urgency evident. "He can't know you're here." She swiftly rose, pulling me up with her, both of us breaking away from the kiss as she hurried us along. Her pace was so brisk that it took a moment for me to catch on before I scrambled up. "Why can't he know I'm here?" I whispered, trying to avoid any noise as her dad ascended the stairs.
"Because he'll flip if he finds a guy in my room. Though, it's not like it's the first time I've had a guy over," she rushed, steering us towards her bedroom window. "Seriously? You've done this before?" I questioned? but that conversation could wait as we reached her bedroom window, which she promptly opened, urging me outside.
"Well, there was this one time Dad caught me, and he nearly lost it. I promised I wouldn't do it again, and he dropped it," she explained hurriedly, her insistence on getting me out the window starting to concern me. I trusted she knew what she was doing, but I wasn't quite prepared for what came next.
"Are you seriously making me climb out your window?" I protested.
"Don't be a wimp. You'll be fine. You're not the first guy I've had over," she reassured, though her words didn't ease my nerves. The distance from her window to the ground seemed to grow as she tugged me closer to the edge.
As I began to climb out, my foot slipped, and I fell with a hard thud and a loud squeak.
Despite the throbbing pain in my ankle, the walk home afforded me ample time to ponder, and my thoughts continuously circled back to her. I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right, as if she was keeping something from me. If she's had numerous guys over before, why the sudden worry about her dad catching her? Was I just another casual fling to her? My mind brimmed with inquiries for my elusive "little miss pipedream."
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hannahssimblr · 3 months ago
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“Jude! God, c’mere.” Michelle thrusts me into the centre of the group, where someone has propped a card against a vase on the counter. I ensure to arrange my features carefully into some sort of surprised expression. 
“Oh, what? This for me?”
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“Yes,” they cry. It’s a handmade card that says ‘you’re dead to us’ on the front. “Aw, Jesus, thanks!” I say, and they laugh and watch me while I open it and start reading some messages scrawled on the inside. There are so many of them, many even squeezed into the tiniest corners, or sideways along the edge.
‘Good luck on your big adventure!’ some say. Others share a memory, wish me luck, express jealousy at my escape. I close it. 
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“I’ll read this late when you’re not all gawking at me,” I tell them, which gets a good laugh despite the lack of comedy, and as I look around at their faces, their sad, sentimental smiles and I wish the night was over already, and I was already gone. I feel exposed, like a man under a spotlight without something to say. Would they like me to entertain them? To read their messages and get emotional in the middle of my kitchen?
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I catch Jen’s eye. She’s behind the others, by the patio door, dressed in a very funereal black, and an expression to match. While chatter resumes around me, I jerk my head towards the garden, and without words, she understands. She slips through the door and out into the night. 
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Jen and I wordlessly follow the path that winds down from the house to the pergola at the back of the garden. We sit on a bamboo settee shielded by trees from the road, where the occasional car passes. The breeze lifts pieces of her hair that frame her face. 
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She is staring towards the kitchen, its yellow light pouring out into the garden when she breaks the silence. 
“What a weird party.” 
I exhale a laugh through my nose. “Honestly, I didn’t know if you’d even come.”
She purses her lips. “I’m not totally sure why I did.”
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“Maybe you had something you wanted to say.”
“Maybe. Though I wasn’t sure you’d want to hear it.” She looks at me then, her brown eyes dark in the failing light as they study mine. “It surprised me to see Evie here.”
“Me too. I didn’t think she’d come.”
“On her own, too.”
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I shrug. “Shane and Claire were busy. They were going to their debs.”
“Ah, the debs.” She picks lint from her black mesh top and laughs humourlessly. “Bet you’re sorry you’ll miss ours. I know how excited you were to suit up for it.”
Even the concept of wearing a suit makes me uncomfortable, as though an invisible tie is pulled too tightly at my throat. “You’re going, I presume.”
“Yeah, with Michelle. The two of us are kind of like the dateless losers in the year. Feels about right to end it all this way.”
“I didn’t think Michelle would be interested in all that stupid stuff, if I’m honest.”
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“I think that’s what you assumed. If you’d asked her, she might have told you something different.”
“Hm,” I say. “More evidence of being a kind of shit boyfriend, isn’t it?”
An infinitesimal smile nudges at her lips. “I always said you were better apart. She really brought out the worst in you.”
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“It felt that way, to be honest. When I was with her, I really didn’t like myself, or I wasn’t completely myself around her.”
“Well, then. Hopefully, one day you’ll find someone who lets you be yourself. It’s what everyone wants for themselves.”
I nod. “Yeah, that’s true.”
“I kind of thought you’d found that with Evie.”
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I sigh, suddenly irritated, while she draws into herself, hands tucked under her arms. “Sorry,” she says. “I don’t know the right thing to say about her.”
“I kind of wish you wouldn’t say anything to me about her, because, like…”
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“It isn’t my business, and all that,” she finishes, and with a nod, she turns her face toward the bushes flanking the garden with their spiky black leaves silhouetted against the deep blue sky.
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My voice trembles. “Jen, I don’t want to be angry with you right now, like, I don’t want to go off and start this new part of my life when I feel this way, but the things you said to Evie at the festival, I just… It’s like, no matter how much I think it over, I can’t come up with a reason you would say those things to her.”
She tugs the sleeve of her top between her teeth, just shaking her head. I lift my hands from my lap to look at them. They are quivering, so I clench them into fists as I continue.
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“You should have been there on that second night, Jen, and seen the way she was crying. The things you said got into her head, you know what I mean? You can’t just make shit up and tell it to someone like it’s a fact. I know you love to gossip and tell stories, but this is what happens when you go too far. It has real consequences. Like, a real impact on people.”
“Yeah.”
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“You told her I was staying.”
Again, she agrees, eyes still fixed on the garden. 
“Jen.”
She swallows, hard. 
“How come you said that? It’s not like I ever told you I was going to do that, is it?”
She mumbles something incoherent. 
“What? Come on, just talk to me.”
“I assumed you would.”
“You assumed? Why would you assume?”
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I realise that speaking is difficult for her, as she is holding back her tears. I should feel more sympathetic towards her, but I’m righteous. With a steadiness I know is shrinking her, I stare into her face.
“Maybe it was both that I assumed and I hoped. Like, a mixture of the two.”
“Go on.”
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“You seemed happy this summer, at certain moments. It was just… like,” a laboured swallow, “you’d come home late after being with her, and you were just… Happy, and talking all about her and going on and on about the funny things she said to you.”
“So?”
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“So, like, I thought you’d end up going out with her in the end, and that you felt so strongly about her that you’d stay in Dublin to be with her. I don’t know, it didn’t seem that crazy an idea. You were acting like you were in love or something.” Now, she looks at me, her eyes hurt, but still searching for confirmation. Perhaps, if she were especially astute, she might have seen somewhere on my face the flash of emotion that jolted through me. I convince myself she hasn’t seen a thing and clench my jaw. 
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“I think that was a fairly stupid assumption to make.”
“I don’t. You’ve always done things because pretty girls wanted you to. It’s like your life is based around chasing whatever feeling it is that you get when one of them likes you.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is.”
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“It’s not,” I insist. “Look at me now, huh? I’m leaving her for Germany.”
“Fine,” she whispers. “I just thought you’d stay. That’s all.”
“I won’t.”
“I know that.”
“I’m leaving.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
“Do you?”
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She exhales, frustrated, and throws her hands upon her lap. “Yes, I know it. Look at me, here, at your going away party. It’d be pretty fucking mental if I didn’t know it, wouldn’t I?”
“Yeah, but it’s not like you’ve acknowledged it.”
“You haven’t talked to me in two weeks.”
“Before that, Jen.”
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She fixes the full, passionate force of her stare at me as tears fill her eyes. “Because I don’t want you to go, do I? Because I thought if I didn’t look at it, then it’d all just go away.”
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I feel a surge of emotion. My throat tightens as though clenched by a fist. “Well… It doesn’t.”
“Yeah,” as the first tears spill onto her cheeks, she wipes them away with the heel of her hand. “I just didn’t want things to end. I thought if you stayed for her, then I wouldn’t have to lose you, and nothing would change.”
“They have to, though. That’s how life goes. Everything changes and everything ends, and we all just get older and things move on.”
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She whimpers. “But you’re moving on without me.”
I reach out and stroke her knee with my thumb over the loose threads of the hole in her jeans. “Yeah, I suppose I am.”
“I just don’t know what I’ll do.”
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“You’ll just live your life, and I’ll live mine, and-”
“We’ll be apart. How can I go without seeing you all the time? You’ve always just been there, and now I’ll have to get used to you being so far away, and never seeing you, and you’re, like, one of the few friends I even have, and you-”
“No, come on. You’ll make new friends in college.”
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“I don’t want new friends. I don’t want to meet new people and have to explain these little things about me, and my backstory and what I like to watch on TV and order at the takeaway, and what sorts of jokes make me laugh. You already know it all, and you’ll know them better than anyone else ever will, because you were there when I decided I liked them.”
“Jenny, we’ll still talk, and we’ll visit each other-”
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“There’s no point pretending it’ll be the same, because it won’t. You’re going to say you’ll stay in touch with me and we’ll be best friends forever, but that won’t happen. You’ll find people who are better, and just forget.”
“Never.”
Beginning // Prev // Next
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nerdgirlriot · 1 year ago
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Me: LET ZORO SAY FUCK Live-Action Zoro: *says fuck* Me: thank u netflix
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xoxo-sarah · 1 year ago
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can you do a one shot for daryl where the reader has really bad hiccups and they're in a meeting or a public place and she gets really embarrassed about it and like slaps a hand over her mouth to try and stop it but she can't and everyone's staring at her and it's a comfort fic bc he basically excuses her out and helps her
Rabbit Questions
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↝a/n: I am not meaning to have my Daryl fics related to rabbits/bunnies. It's just a coincidence.
↝pairing: Daryl Dixon x fem!reader (could be platonic or romantic)
↝ Warning: not proofread, not proofread, set in season 11, Commonwealth
↝⎙ 9.15.23
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"And this one- beautiful, isn't it?" Pamela stood in front of a wall with a huge frame, a painting of A orange flower, the pedal reminded you of flames. It was pretty, really. And you weren't just thinking that because Pamela was in front of you, watching your face for any expression that said otherwise. The artist standing beside the painting could have something to do with it, too.
For some reason, Pamela Milton and Lance Hornsby had made it very clear you, Daryl, and Rosita came to view the art gallery, she had called it. It all felt weird, walking up and down the halls to look at all the art with eyes watching your every move. Pamela had stepped up to point out every detail while Lance just watched from the distance.
This is just so different from having to clean out walkers from buildings to show your worth, pretty much. Instead of blood on concrete, it was homemade paint on a canvas.
The paintings were pretty, really, but it just felt like they were being pushed down your throat. It was new, refreshing, a new beginning. You weren't one for change.
"Michelle here has many pieces of art here." The older woman smiled at the woman standing by the wall, a tight-lipped smile of her own on her face. Pamela pointing at a canvas towards the corner. "She's had quite the life. Painting helped her get all the built-up aggression out in some way,"
Did she actually care about what this girl had been through, or was it a front to seem like the most amazing and caring person ever?
"I felt for her, i really did." There she was, putting on a front just to make it all about her. Of course.
"When I met Michelle, i was going through-"
Hic!
Eyes, going wide, you glanced at Daryl and Rosita. They glanced at you but looked back, trying to seem interested. Pamela, looked at you for a moment, before turning to Michelle.
"As I was saying-"
Hic! "I am so sorry." you put up a hand to excuse the hiccup fit. It was one after another, and to be quite honest, it was starting to hurt your diaphragm. Your hand went you to your ribs, trying to ease the hiccups away.
A particularly loud hiccup had Pamela give you a disapproving look.
"Excuse us." Daryl's hand went to your elbow, half-heartedly excusing you two. He didn't really care if they had a problem with you walking away.
He led you by your arm to the open door, the fresh air fully hitting your blushing cheeks.
"Good lord." He grumbled, watching as your body moved with yet another hiccup. "Put yer arms over yer head or hold yer breath or somethin'."
You puffed your cheeks out, holding your breath. Daryl simply watched, waiting.
Hic!
it was muffled, but still had you huffing out.
Daryl just looked at you, before he smiled in amusement. He moved to sit down on the steps to the building, out of the way of the traffic of people. Patting an empty spot next to him, he motioned for you to sit.
"When's the last time you saw a rabbit?"
Confused, you could only look at him. He nodded, waiting for you to answer. You looked away, actually thinking about it. "I don't know." You couldn't remember the last time you saw a rabbit off the top of your head. It was probably one you had to kill to feed yourself, anyway.
"Probably a year?"
"What color was it?"
"What are you on about?"
He twirled his hair around and out of his face, the smile from earlier still lingering. "Still got hiccups?"
Your eyes widened again. They were gone.
"Carol told me that one. It was that or scaring ya."
The picture of Daryl and his dear friend talking about rabbits to get rid of hiccups was cute. Maybe it had been Daryl who had hiccups and Carol asked him the same questions.
"I prefer the rabbit questions." You smiled, looking out at the people walking freely around the Commanwealth.
"Should we go back in?"
"No." he was quick to answer. "If I see another bright flower, I'm gonna pluck my eyes out."
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•2021-2024 by xoxo-sarah on Tumblr•
•My work is not to be translated, copied, modified, and/or reposted on any other site without my permission. [!I don't give permission!]
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lonelylittledot · 25 days ago
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Wicked
~ a Wicked scholar's thoughts on the movie
Okay. I had detached myself from any feelings about the movie truly years ago, and so I walked into the movie theatre with really low expectations.
My overall opinion: it was not a bad adaptation. I'd expected to give it 3/10, it turned out as a solid 6.5/10.
Here are just a few things that stuck out to me:
The landscapes - didn't hate them but didn't like them.
The costumes - amazing. Pretty much every outfit slayed. I feel like they could have been even a bit more extravagant, but they were great as they were. - As for Elphaba, I think my favorite outfit was the first Shiz dress and the post-Popular outfit. - Glinda's bubble dress was exquisite, and I really liked her Emerald City ensemble, although I do miss the yellow dress, I feel like it doesn't get enough love
I liked Ariana's G(a)linda surprisingly a lot. Maybe it's because I know she's a huge Wicked fan, but I felt like her love for the source material really showed.
I wasn't really sold on Cynthia. Don't get me wrong, she has a truly fabulous voice, and she absolutely did shine in the big, loud parts - but overall, I wasn't a fan of her versions of the songs. She looked and acted great, though.
Michelle Yeoh, the woman you are. Fantastic casting, no notes.
Jonathan. Oh, dear, Johnathan Bailey. Looks? Hot. Vocals? Gorgeous. Vibes? Flawless. I wish he'd played the role a decade ago, because he does look forty and not college-age, but I think everything else about him truly makes up for it.
Speaking of - I liked that Fiyero got just a few tiny little additional scenes/lines, really helped to flesh out his character more.
Grammar-nazi Elphaba, my beloved.
Listen, I have shipped Fiyero and Elphaba since I was 14. And I'm not going to stop now. I stan them, I loved their chemistry in the movie, I will ship them until the day I die.
The direction on G(a)linda/Elphaba - hella gay. But I didn't quite feel their chemistry, neither friendly nor romantic. It was okay, but didn't blow me away.
IDINA AND KRISTEN???? love love love love my og queens
The movie dragged on. A lot. This is my only really big criticism, unfortunately it's a really important one. I think they could easily have made the whole musical into one 3h long movie, and it would have been much better for the pacing. - there weren't even that many added scenes; and a lot of the additions were pretty good, actually - some were totally unnecessary though. like the guards chasing Elphaba and Glinda and the whole balloon shenanigans? - similarly, many scenes were just unnecessarily stretched out; with the camera staying too long in one place or one moment being dragged out way too long - some of the songs just had slightly longer (like 2 bars?) breakes between the choruses added for no reason
Defying Gravity. This is the same thing as one of the previous comments, but I feel like it deserves its separate mention. The pacing in that scene (or, here, more like a collection of scenes) was extremely off, the song losing all of its momentum by being chopped up into pieces. And the way they made us wait for the iconic vocalization at the end; I honestly thought I'd die of boredom.
Sometimes I felt like the movie couldn't decide if it wanted to be more stage-y and theatrical, and lean into the whole campy vibe, or more cinematic and "naturally" acted; and sometimes it switched weirdly between the two.
There was one single thing that looked way better onscreen than onstage. The Lion cub. In the movie, he looked extremely cute, tiny little adorable darling baby kitten. Way better than the creepy-ass puppet they use in the show.
There were many more tasty little details that I simply couldn't remember/write down, or else I wouldn't have been able to pay any attention to the movie. Once it's available, maybe I'll rewatch and dissect it in more detail (I should also finally watch the 1939 Wizard of Oz, it's a CRIME that I still haven't! I'm sure people who know it well could also see many references in the new Wicked - even I noticed the ruby slippers in Popular, for example!).
Summing up this unnecessarily long rant:
It was not a bad adaptation; although I doubt it will make many people into Wicked fans. At the end of the day, it's clearly a story made for the stage, and even though it was transferred to the big screen fairly well, I think it still belongs in the regular theatre, not the movie one.
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itsmebytch001 · 1 year ago
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Okay! So Imagine on Earth 42! Y/n is dead but Aaron is alive and when Y/n turns up in his living room not seeing that this isn't really HER house and Miles and Aaron walk in and he's like...
Aaron: "Miles...Miles I think i'm tripping" He backs away from her and grabs onto Miles's shoulder but Miles is just leaping to her and hugging her so tightly it's hurting her and Aaron's just FROZEN in the corner like wtf and while Miles is hugging her and crying Y/n and Aaron are just looking at each other likeeee almost crying...
Y/n: "...Papa?" And he's so scared that this is like a horrible punishing dream to hurt himself so he's like backing out the room just pissed he's having this dream again and is like breaking down in Y/n's room which Miles is NEVER allowed to eneter EVER only him and he sits and stares into the void and cleans it but always leaves everything EXCATLY how it was when she died
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH I NEEEEEEEEEEED MORE ANGST GIMME
Yas I need more angst FEED MEEEEE
It takes like an hour for Aaron to accept that this isn't
A) A evil trick or
B) A bad dream / hallucination
but once he dose he fully breaks down crying and holding onto his daughter is a bear hug in a vice like grip and shes crying and E42!Miles is crying while 160!Miles is just standing in the living room like....
160!Miles: "damm what happened to ya'll?" While the family collapses in tears and 160!Miles is so taken aback by Aaron's cyring having never seen it before he's juts like...
160!Miles: "Imma just head out, be back in 20 when ya'll are done"
I think Aaron might snap a bit and not let Reader leave, like he's smart enough to make her a watch that allows her to stay, he decorates it as 'you can stay here however long you like!' but really it's more like 'you ain't leaving, not now to ever and don't try with me I will lock you in your room' and he treats her like a glass balloon not letting her do anything without him, sometimes when you stay over if he is chill (Unlikely) he just watches you from afar, if 42!Miles catches him he's like...
42!Miles: "You good Unc?"
42!Aaron: "Yeah, why?"
42!Miles: "Cuz you standing over your daughter while she sleeps like fucking Michel Myers"
...
42!Aaron: "Shut up, get back to bed"
42! Miles: "How about you bet back to bed, looking like a serial killer"
Comes visits you whenever, scares the shit out of Jeff, he also breaks down when he comes to visist, honestly he might aswell move since he's here so so so very often, back in his universe (E42!) He has a mural for you, like the one his family has for him on E160 but he dosne't visit it often as he should, E42!Miles dose like every week or so to make sure the paint dose not fade but when he dose visit he leaves incense and plays some sad music and just sits and stares into the void.
If you took him to his mural you need to keep reminding him he's dead in E160 and that he can't be drawing attention to himself so to keep a low profile, and if you have his ashes he's like...
42!Aaron: "So my whole body....is in this tiny jar?"
160!Y/n: "It's called an earn...but yes"
42!Aaron: "Don't give me lip...but are you sure? Maybe they missed a piece? How can my ENTIRE body be in this?" He waves it around.
160!Y/n: "Please...Please don't do that" You snatch it back from him and place it back on the shelf.
42!Aaron: "Right, I'm sorry it's just strange...being dead kinda"
160!Y/n: "Where's my body then? back where your from"
And suddenly it all come back and he becomes cagey and sad...poor Aaron just want's to forget but keep you forever, will come back to scare Diana as well just for laugh's ....
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tinfoil-jones · 2 months ago
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Gravity Falls: For Your Own Good, Ch. 9
Summary: A few years after moving to Gravity Falls and having his lab built, Stanford Pines happens upon his estranged twin brother, Stanley. He mentally prepared himself to be suffocated by his brothers neediness all over again - what he wasn't prepared for was Stanley walking right past him like he didn't even notice him.
Rating: M for language, violence, and adult implications
Preface: Dialogue only, but some actions will be annotated for clarity. Cross-Posted on AO3 Here
First - Prev - Next
CH.9
“Why don’t criminals trust stairs?”
“Stanley, I am trying to work.”
“Because they’re always up to something.”
*Ford covering his mouth with his hand because he’s trying really hard not to laugh*
“Why don’t criminals like elevators? Because they hate getting taken down.”
*Ford faceplanting on his desk and slamming his fist on it because he’s trying not to laugh*
“What do you call a criminal snob going downstairs? A condescending con descending.”
“E-enough! I’m going to put you on mute if you don’t stop.”
“Ah, come on man. It’s not like I got much else to do here. I can’t even write in that notebook you guys gave me anymore cause I got nothing to write with.”
“Maybe you would still have writing utensils if we didn't run out because you chewed up all of the other ones we gave you.”
“I can’t help it, PhD. I’m on day seven of nicotine withdrawal and it’s still kicking my ass. I get that this whole lab is a ‘no smoking’ zone, but I saw stretch using dip, and you didn’t say anything; just looked at him in a passive aggressive, judgemental way.”
“Tobacco is a nasty habit, and you are better off losing that vice while you’re still in a controlled environment. Our father never kicked it on his own, so this is really for your own-.”
“Yeah, yeah Doc. For my own good. I’ve heard it a million times. Do you like, keep score of how many times you say that, is someone keeping track of it? Or is that your only excuse for the insane crap you’re always pulling.”
“If it will placate you and keep you quiet, I’ll wheel over a television.”
“You have one of those down here?”
“I primarily use it as a device that decrypts thoughts, but its original function is still intact. Let me bring it over.”
“How uncharacteristically considerate of you.”
“You’re watching The Black and White Period Piece Old Lady Boring Movie Channel.”
“Wait a second, where's the remote?”
“There isn’t one.”
“Stay tuned for the six episode marathon of The Six Wives of Henry VIII, starring Keith Michell as Henry VIII, Annette Crosbie as Catherine of Aragon, Dorothy Tutin as Anne Boleyn-”
“Change the channel. PhD, I swear to God.”
“Anne Stallybrass as Jane Seymour, Elvi Hale as Anne of Cleves, Angela Pleasance as Catherine Howard, and Rosalie Crutchley as Catherine Parr.”
“No- NO!”
*Ford presses the mute button on the cell*
(...)
160 minutes later…
“Stanford, I brought those scrap m- what in Sam Hell?”
“I appreciate it, Fiddleford.”
“Is there a particular reason Stan is staring unblinking at that TV screen?”
“I put on a soap opera because I thought he would hate it. But he… really got into it.”
“Is that the same reason why his desk chair is smashed in the corner?”
“Yes, there was a plot twist he did not find agreeable. I tried to change the channel after one episode, but he gave me such a look that I truly believe if I did, he would find a way to break the forcefield just to strangle me.”
“That’s… Not what I expected from someone like him.”
“I’ve never seen him get this way. Not even during a baseball game or boxing match where he made the wrong bet.”
“It can’t rightly be that interesting.” 
*Fiddleford pulls up a chair near the cell to watch the TV*
“You both do that. I still have important research to document.”
(...)
240 minutes later…
*all three of them are staring at the TV and don’t start blinking until the credits roll*
“I’ll tell you what, fellers, I can’t believe Gardiner got away with everything.”
“I know, right? Whatever Jesus approves of, I’m sure it’s not that.”
"We're Jewish, Stanley."
"Really? Well that explains why I distinctly remember the Aryan Brotherhood nearly beating me to death in prison."
"They what?!"
"Calm down PhD, I said nearly."
(...)
"Stanley, it has almost been ten days, it’s time to remove your stitches."
"Give me some nail clippers, I'll do it myself."
"Properly. Come on, don't be such a wuss about it."
“Can’t F do it instead?”
“No, he is in town on a supply run. Also, the only difference between you and I and under that shirt is the amount of rolls.”
“Ouch, low blow PhD. It’s not like you’re a runway model either. Fine, but any more cracks on my weight, and I’m going to remind you I’m a threat inside and outside of bars.”
"What are these, circles-? Wait, burns? ...Who did this to you?"
"... Don't worry about it."
"I am going to worry about it! Stanley, who did this?"
"It doesn't matter..."
"It does! Please, I'm your brother just-"
"Don't make me think about it, I don’t remember a lot but- I don't like remembering that."
"Oh Stanley." *hugs him even though it isn't returned* "I'm so sorry. Whatever happened, you didn't deserve that."
"You'd be surprised."
To be continued...
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